It's a trick. Get an axe.

Barack Obama: Socialist

2008-11-05T15:40:00.003-06:00

To which I say: HA!

More knowledgeable people than me have had this whole thing out over the last few weeks, so I'm not going to get into all of the reasons that I feel this is a rather large pile of crap. Also, the people who are buying into this idea generally don't seem to be willing to listen to anyone else's opinions anyway, so what would be the point? The only point I'm going to make is this: Warren Buffet backed Obama. Warren Buffet. The world's richest man. If Obama was really looking to overthrow capitalism, would Buffet be in his corner? Again: HA!

No, what I wanted to say about this whole "debate" is that 99% of the people who keep calling him a socialist probably don't even know what socialism is. If McCain and Palin hadn't trotted the word out, it wouldn't have ever come up. I've talked to a lot of people about this election over the last year or so, and I never heard the word used once until a few weeks ago. Suddenly, everyone in McCain's corner was using it. Let's see, do I think that all of these people spent some time, did some research, and came to some hard-thought conclusions? Or is it more likely that they've been blankly parroting the party line without even knowing what it means? Hell, 9 out of 10 people in this country probably couldn't even explain capitalism. Now they're all experts on socialism? Riiiiiight.

Baaaah. Keep bleating, sheep. Meanwhile, the people who really want to do something about the state this nation finds itself in will be out there doing it.

Big haps

2008-10-28T20:56:00.003-05:00

The move is done. Mostly. There are still a few random things at my old apartment - basically some scattered stuff in the kitchen and the art on the walls in the living room. I'm not exactly stressed about being able to get that out over the next three days. Plus, Gary ended up staying in that apartment and getting new roomies, so even if I get hit by a bus tomorrow and end up in the hospital for a month, that stuff will still be there when I get out. Except for maybe some of the food. But, you know, if I get hit by a bus, I doubt I'm going to worry too much about who ate my box of Nilla Wafers.

Since my fiancée definitely does not have the space, and we also aren't real thrilled about the economy and the prospects of a home improvement loan at this point (plus, you know, there's that wholoe wedding thing to pay for), the vast majority of the books and DVDs (and all of the comics) went into storage. Which is actually cooler than it sounds, because we got a large enough unit to be able to actually set up the bookcases and DVD shelves. The storage place isn't far away from the house at all, so it's not going to be a big deal to head over there and grab some stuff. We have some empty bookshelves and such at the house, and the plan is to just rotate chunks in and out every whenever necessary. It'll work until another option makes itself more available.

Moving 14-15 bookcases worth of books down a flight of stairs is fun. No, really.

So here I am living with somebody I'm engaged to. Pretty cool. All the time I hear "why aren't you married?" and it's actually kinda hard for me to believe that I've never been engaged/married before - not because I think I'm some kinda hot property, but just because I was in two pretty serious long-term relationships before. Stef and I always talked about how neither of us thought a piece of paper would add much to things, and we were in no huge hurry and would end up doing it on a beach somewhere while we held coconuts, but I wonder how much of that was actually ourselves unconsciously recognizing that we really weren't supposed to be together. Especially considering how quickly she got married and got a baby when she did find the right guy, and how quick I was to recognize that Angela was somebody I needed to marry before she got away from me. And Mindi - well, to be honest, I'm not sure why the subject of marriage/engagement never seemed to be seriously broached. There was one memorable night when I really thought the two of us might just get in the car and head for Vegas, but that passed and then it never really seemed to come back. Over the years I've often thought that she was the one real opportunity I was ever going to get, and I went and missed it.

I was wrong.

All of this is cool as hell, but it's also a little bit odd. Not odd-bad, just odd-odd. I'm finally turning into a real live honest adult with 2 kids and a house and 2 dogs and a yard and a barbeque grill. And about six and a half months from now, I'm going to stand at the end of an aisle and watch my beautiful baby walk towards me on her father's arm. I have the feeling that everything up to this point has been prologue, and the real adventures are about to begin.

Gonna be a brave new world.

hey nineteen, no, we can't dance together

2008-10-16T13:20:00.005-05:00

I just found out that Jack McDevitt is 73. If you don't know who Jack McDevitt is, he's an author. He writes science fiction. Speculative fiction. Whatever. Anyway, I've been on a sci-fi kick for a long time now (really ever since I seem to have exhausted the supply of halfway talented horror writers), and while it's not all I read, it does definitely make up a majority of my reading material. He's one of those authors that I started reading relatively recently - meaning in this decade, as opposed to people like Ray Bradbury and Arthur C. Clarke and Spider Robinson and Robert Heinlein and Philip K. Dick that I've been reading ever since I was a kid. He's great, too. If you enjoy the field, give him a try if you haven't already.

I'm kinda digressing. I've never really known too much about him, and so I vaguely assumed from the way he writes that he was a younger man than that. Not that I can really define in words the difference between a younger guy's writing and an older guy's writing, it was just a blurry subconscious impression. My mental picture of him, what there was of it, was of guy in his... oh, something like mid to late 50s. Guess the mental camera is out of focus. It probably also doesn't have enough megapixels, since I got it on the cheap.

It's not that I really care how old he is, I'm not an ageist or anything. I guess I just sort of thought that I'd be reading his books for the next 25 years or so, and now I have to adjust that number downward a goodish bit. Hopefully he'll live to be super-old and stay productive all the while.

God, that's so selfish. ^_^

While I'm at it, I'll mention that whilst wandering the intrawebs, I stumbled over a list of his Ten Favorite Science Fiction Novels. My own personal list would look different in a number of ways, but I would agree that all ten of the books he chose are excellent reads. Many of them are pretty "accessible," too. That's not exactly the word I want, but it's the one that's stuck in my brain, so I'm rolling with the punches. What I mean is that many of them are books that people who say "I don't read science fiction" would stand a good chance of enjoying anyway. So go read it and then go read them. Chop chop.

It's Jeff Goldblum o'clock

2008-10-15T16:32:00.004-05:00

Yay The Fly! Also yay Jeff Goldblum, although I do think he should play a character other than himself a little more often. Or even just once.

October is supposed to rock for scary movies, but so far I've been pretty disappointed. I know, I have like 200 on DVD, but part of the point of October is that there should be a plenitude of horror flicks on the tube. Props to Sci-Fi for bringing back "Tales from the Darkside," but still. I shouldn't have to dig through my DVDs to find a scary movie when Halloween is just a couple of weeks away, you know? I should be able to find Event Horizon on the Sci-Fi Network, and Phantasm on TBS, and I Know What You Did Last Summer on TNT, and one of the Halloween movies (they never play 3, and they need to more often, because it's so horrible that it's great) on FX, and maybe something like C.H.U.D. on USA.

And hey, while we're at it, I bet they could make a pretty sweet C.H.U.D. video game. Somebody needs to get on that.

Anyway. The point. Get with it, TV. I need my yearly fix.

Random Quote of the Day:
"Tina Fey has actually done more interviews about playing Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin has done about being Sarah Palin."
-Roland Martin in a column on CNN.com

Da (Duh) Bears

2008-10-14T13:31:00.002-05:00

OK. This isn't a sports blog - well, it's my blog, and I can make it whatever I want it to be, but still. It's not meant to be just me complaining about how all of my teams seem to fall apart year after year (if they ever even get it together in the first place). But I have to say something about Sunday's game.

The debate is raging in Chicago about whether or not the squib kick with 11 seconds left and a one point lead was a good idea, whether it cost the Bears the game, etc. There are a lot of folks saying that no, the poor defense on the next play was the culprit, or that the poor defensive playcall on the next play was the culprit, or that the Bears not being able to punch it in from the 1-yard line earlier in the quarter was the culprit. They're all wrong. Yes, those factors all played a part in the outcome, but the largest mistake of all was the squib kick. Which is, in my opinion, one of the worst ideas in the NFL (right up there with the "prevent defense," which never seems to prevent a stinkin' thing). Unless you absolutely SUCK on special teams, and I mean SUCK SUCK SUCK, in that situation you HAVE to kick the ball deep.

Here's my thinking. The Bears are a point up with 11 seconds left. Since we're under two minutes to go, the clock starts when the receiving team touches the ball. If they kick it deep - let's say, just for argument's sake, that they kick it to the goal line - then the Falcons have to cover roughly 65 yards in those 11 seconds in order to get into field goal range. By squibbing it, it was picked up at about the 35, and the Falcons only had to cover 30 yards or so in those 11 seconds to get into field goal range. When you throw in the fact that the Falcons had no time outs remaining, which one of those two scenarios do you think they were hoping for? Exactly.

And then people are saying "well, yeah, but the Bears had just given up an 85-yard return on the previous kickoff." To that I say this: that return took 12 seconds off the clock. The game would have been over, no field goal try would have happened. Unless the Bears had advance knowledge that lightning would strike twice in the same place - and Jerious Norwood is no Devin Hester, nor is Lovie Smith Nostradamus - and that this time he'd take it all the way back for a TD, then that's a moot point. Which do you think happens more often in the NFL - two kickoff returns of 80+ yards by the same team in the same game, or a 30-yard passing play along the sidelines? Again, exactly.

Clock management, people. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Hahahahahaha

2008-10-11T01:16:00.002-05:00

I should have known better. Of course, that's one of the most-uttered statements by a Cubs fan, along with "wait til next year" and "God, I hate the Cardinals." And of course, the next time the Cubs make the playoffs, I'll be right there believing again. And probably getting kicked in the emotional face again as well. Because that's how it goes.

Why do we choose to devote ourselves to this team? About the only two answers that make sense are "love" and "dementia." Either way, I guess there's nothing much that can be done. Roll with the punches and follow the Bears as we wait for the rebirth that is spring. They look pretty interesting this year. Hmm.

Please God

2008-09-30T21:47:00.002-05:00

It's time. It's past time. It was past time 50 years ago.

Please.

Go Cubs.

Vijay Singh is trying to kill me.

2007-08-10T23:12:00.000-05:00

In case you hadn't heard, there's this little golf tournament going on in Tulsa.

Whee! My second major! That's just exciting. Now all I've got to do is get to Augusta and the British Open - *both* of which I would actually have a place to crash during. Sweet. We actually got out to the Wednesday practice round this year (my dad came down for the festivities), as I wanted to a) get some pictures and b) scout out some interesting places to be on Sunday.

I think what's going to happen is that my dad's going to end up camping out semi-near the green on 18, where there's a great stand of trees that will provide shade just about all day long (it's DAMN hot). You can watch approach shots/putts on both 9 and 18 from there as well as get a clear view of the leaderboard. And right near there, 10-12 make a big loop, so from time to time I suspect I'll wander that loop when somebody I want to see has just made the turn. Tiger, Phil, Vijay, Sergio, etc. It's a plan. There's also a sweet little spot up near the 18th green where I'll probably spend some time - I've been watching the last couple of days on TV and noticed that 95% of the time, there were very few people there. Probably because it's in the direct, blazing sun. But I was there for maybe an hour during Wednesday's practice round, and aside from being right next to the green, it's got a *great* view of the approach shot on 18. It's also where Vijay tried to drop a ball on my head on Wednesday afternoon!

Vijay's ball. Nothing like the good old duck and cover! What sucked about it was that since it was a practice round and would have been a particularly hellacious chip from there, he didn't even play that ball from there. His caddy just came over and picked it up while he diddled around on the green. I wanted some sweet close-up action shots! Stupid practice round.

It's been a great week chez Todd. Even if it is a million bajillion bobillion degrees outside. And there was a scorpion upstairs in my tub the other night. And somebody decided they wanted to break the computer at work and make me come in twice during my "vacation" to fix it. But hey! Dad's in town, so is the PGA tour, I just got a new car, I just met a groovy gal, the NFL is back on the tube, I've got a belly full of pork chops, broccoli, and baked potato... who am I to complain?

Just... wow.

2007-08-09T23:38:00.000-05:00

After pretty much throwing in the towel on the idea of ever meeting somebody even halfway worthwhile again, my best friend and his girlfriend up and throw the most amazing woman into my life. She's gorgeous and hilarious. And a reader - and a King fan! And incredibly interesting. And intelligent, well-spoken, and strong. And and and. I had serious doubts that anybody like her even existed anymore. Just talking to her on the phone gives me butterflies. (I don't even care that she's a Green Bay Packers fan! That's saying a whole heck of a lot.)

And I know this blog has been defunct for so long that there's probably nobody even paying attention to it anymore. That's fine. I just had to get this feeling off my chest in *some* way that didn't involve my roomie laughing at me and going "See? I told you." Of course, what's going to happen is that she'll follow the link here from my myspace page at some point as we're emailing back and forth there, and so the one person in the world to read this will be her. Because this is the way the world works. But you know what? Screw it. Let her read. She's going to find out at some point anyway. Actually, long years of the mostly single life have probably made me transparent enough that she knows at least half of it already. ^_^

ION: I miss you, blog. When fall gets here and I'm *finally* in my own place again without all the roommate-related drains on my time, I promise to come love on you again. You don't deserve to be ignored like this and I'm an utter heel for doing so.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful

2006-12-02T13:13:00.000-06:00

Well, no, it's not. But it was. We got hammered with a winter storm from Wednesday night until early Friday morning, and it was glorious. First there was ice, but nothing at all like the legendary Kansas City ice storm of 2002. Hard to top that one. Exploding transformers all over town lighting up the night sky with amazing shades of purple, red, blue, and green... exploding trees filling the air with the sounds of gunfire... that mad midnight trip outside the second night to try and get some downed lines away from the house... watching that tree up the street give up the ghost and collapse directly into someone's living room... yeah. That was some crazy shit. Thank goodness the ice in Tulsa this week was quick and painless. Snow makes me happier anyway.

And snow we got. I think the official total for Tulsa was like 10.4 inches, although amounts varied all over town and some places got easily over a foot. I know it shattered the old record for November snowfall, which makes me hope this winter is going to be a fun one for a change. It was blowing and drifting pretty well, too, which turned Thursday afternoon into your basic whiteout. Hurray! I only wish people here would learn to drive in the snow - not necessarily while it's snowing so much as after it snows, because they mostly do the sensible thing while it's coming down and just stay out of it. First, if you're driving in a straight line, you're not going to lose control unless you slam on your brakes. You can go faster than 10. Second, if you keep yourself away from situations where you'll need to slam on your brakes, you won't have to slam on your brakes. So even if you're only driving 10, stop riding that guy in front of you's bumper, OK? Third... you know what? Forget it. I don't want to spend all day and get up to "and forty-fifth..." Just stay home until it melts. That's better for all of us.

Here, have a snow/sunset/reservoir/critter footprints pic.

Bank hell starts Monday. I really shouldn't call it hell, because it's a great time and I love everyone I work with there and it always feels good to pull off another spectacular Christmas party, but I sure feel like hell when it's all over and I stumble home to sleep for 14 hours. But this year should be a little less annoying because I'll know that I get to go home for Christmas. See, my dad has a huge family, and we always have that family get-together on a weekend before the actual day of Christmas. The last two years it's been the weekend right after the bank parties, and I'm always far too shot to consider trying to rush home, because home is 12 hours away and that's enough of a drive on a good day. But this year, the calendar has moved around enough that it's the weekend after that! Kick ass. Partying with the Samuelsons is always a crazy time, and I'm tired of being the black sheep who never makes it home for it. ^_~

Alrighty, movie time. Todays feature: An American Haunting. Peace out.

My boss is an idiot.

2006-11-21T12:35:00.000-06:00

That is all.

Oh, wait, no it's not. Gobble gobble, y'all. Happy Early Turkey Day!

Whee!

2006-11-09T19:51:00.000-06:00

With apologies to The Outer Limits:

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission... We will control the House. We will control the Senate. For the next two years, sit quietly and we will control that moron in the Oval Office...

I didn't want to say anything about it until it was official offical, but - fuckin' a. It's about time. Now the only question is, can we now get said moron and his cronies tossed out with some of the other Washington trash? January of 2009 is still 26 months away, and I think it's clear that the country has said "it's time for a change." Well, then, let's change. I do believe there is a whole list of things that a president can be impeached for which don't fall under the heading of "oral sex." I also believe that our current "president" has, over the last six years, been methodically working his way through that list. This country has suffered enough. Let's show Dubya and Dick to the door (and speaking of the door - eat me, Rumsfeld, you arrogant ass).

Is my hope for forthcoming impeachment proceedings a pipe dream? Probably. But given the choice of dream vs. nightmare (read: Dubya's presidency), I'll generally pick "dream."

Sad statistic

2006-10-29T13:40:00.000-06:00

According to Playboy magazine (which I totally read for the articles. well, maybe not. but the articles are good too.) the ratio of Wal-Mart employees to high school teachers here in America is 1:1. That's completely insane. And we wonder why Americans always finish near the bottom of the pack in any worldwide testing/intelligence surveys. Apparently, providing cheapjack merchandise and sweatshop clothing is just as important as educating our young people and preparing them for the rest of their lives. Then again, why educate them? They'll just end up working at Wal-Mart.

ION, it's 41-0 Bears over the 49ers. At halftime. Wow.

News flash

2006-10-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Iowa sucks.

OK, well, they don't suck. They just can't ever seem to win that one huge game that will put them over the top. Kirk Ferentz is an incredible coach, and what he's done at Iowa with a roster largely composed of players who weren't considered talented enough for the "big" schools to recruit has been nothing short of amazing. But I truly long for that one win, that "coming-out party" of a game that vaults them into the first tier of college football programs to stay. Stupid Buckeyes. Sigh.

At least they had their chances and weren't totally outclassed. Despite the ugliness of the final score, they really were in it until about midway through the fourth quarter, when it appeared after a quick TD and a great defensive stop that the momentum was all on their side. They were coolly and quickly marching upfield again, looking for all the world like they were about to pull within a TD and turn the final 8 minutes or so into an all-out war, when one ugly fumble (on a beautiful Drew Tate pass play that would have given them yet another first down, no less) ended it all. Razzum frazzum turnovers.

Bears-Seahawks in prime time tonight, so maybe the weekend won't be a total loss from a sporting point of view. Go Bears.

Five years

2006-09-11T19:55:00.000-05:00

Wait, what? How is that even possible? I mean, I have to think for a second to come up with what I ate for dinner last night, how can a day that happened that long ago be so clear in my mind? I can close my eyes and relive the sheer horror of 9/11 almost moment-by-moment. Five years? Wow.

We tend to gloss over the fact that we live in a world where catastrophe is lurking around every turn. Terrorism. Bird flu. Global warming. Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Hurricanes. The ticking time bomb that is the Middle East. Nuclear missiles. Genetically engineered viruses. Three Mile Island and Chernobyl. Fish die-offs in the oceans, droughts deep in the heart of farm country, acid rain, dwindling oil supplies, dwindling fresh water supplies (and that's a much scarier thought than any oil shortage could ever be, but it just doesn't get all the sexy press)... The fact is, planet Earth is a pretty scary place, and a lot of that we've brought upon ourselves. But whether we want to or because we absolutely have to, we all push our fears to the side to varying degrees and go about our lives.

Sometimes, though, one of these spectres grabs us by the throat and demands that we take notice of it, that we drop everything else and take a good long look at just how easy it is for everything to go terribly wrong. And I'd assert that no occasion in American History fills that bill like 9/11. Pearl Harbor was a detestable event, but Headline News wasn't exactly on the scene to broadcast it to the world. Kennedy's assassination? Tragic, but it didn't shut down the entire country for most of a week. Katrina? Tragedy writ large, sure, but the entire country wasn't huddling around their televisions wondering just what city Mother Nature would destroy next. 9/11 was something absolutely new.

And as such, it stands as a dividing line. I read a column somewhere today that stated something to the effect of "As the events were unfolding, I felt like I was living in a dream. But when I think about it now, I realize I wasn't living in a dream on 9/11. I was waking up from one." I couldn't put it any better. Before 9/11, Americans felt safe. We felt secure. We thought that we were somehow above the rest of the world, that what affected everyone else didn't necessarily apply to us. Now, we know better. If anything good came out of that day (other than the worldwide good feeling and support that our government promptly squandered, but today is not the day for political quibbling), it was that. Our eyes were opened, and we all became a little more human. It brought us together, and we're better for that.

It goes without saying that I'll never forget that day. What we all need to remember, though, isn't the shock and horror that we felt. It's not the images of the planes flying into the towers, or the blackened swath of countryside in Pennsylvania, or the sight of a smoking Pentagon, or any of the other horrific words and pictures that branded themselves directly into America's consciousness that morning. It's the way we came together as a nation - as a world, even. It's the way we held each other up as everything around us seemed to be falling down. The way the American flag changed back from what it had become to most people - a decoration - to a symbol of pride. The sense of humanity, the sense of unity, the quick resolve on both a national and a personal scale that "we will get though this, because we are strong." We've lost a lot of ground on these issues as the months have become years, and it's sad that it takes such a deplorable act to bring these feelings back to the surface. It shouldn't. All we have is each other, and if we forsake that then there really isn't much of a point to it all.

Ben Franklin was credited with saying that "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately." That's never been more true than it is today.

Oh Pluto, You Devil

2006-09-04T15:42:00.000-05:00

While I understand the need for there to be a clear and distinct definition for what exactly constitues a "planet," not just in the case of our current solar system but also for the future as humanity's reach (and hopefully humanity itself) expands outward into space, I cannot help but be amused over all the time, energy, and emotion (not to mention newsprint) that is currently being expended in the "battle" over Pluto's status. Scientists do tend towards being a distracted lot with assorted disconnections from reality anyway, willing to battle to the death over the most excruciating of minutiae while outside the sun is exploding, but something about this debate being so in the public eye has taken it, for me, right into the realm of the absurd. I mean, come on, there have actually been *picketers* out there on this matter. It's an icy ball of rock in the outer reaches of the solar system! Relax, people.

In other astronomical news:

Dear World,
No, Mars is never going to be as large in the night sky as the full moon. At least, not until the apocalypse. And probably not even then, because if God wants to smite us I'm sure he can think of more interesting ways than crashing a planet into us. I mean, this is the deity who busted out the locusts, boils, and frogs on the Egyptians. He's creative.
The "closest approach to Earth" that you all keep sending emails around about actually happened over 3 years ago now, in August of 2003, and I'm sure that none of you remembers a giant Mars in the night sky. Because it didn't happen. There was another one in October of 2005, but 2003 was the king, and the next time Mars gets as close as that will be in 2287 and you will all be dead. So stop wasting bandwidth. It doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Oh my God! He's back!

2006-08-31T21:21:00.000-05:00

I decided, without telling anyone, to take the summer off as far as writing was concerned. I kinda decided without telling *myself*, but a couple of weeks into June I noticed that I hadn't written a word in a while and said to myself, "self, maybe you're having a difficult time writing lately because you just need a clean break from it." So I took one. I noticed that my last post here had been the day after Memorial Day - one of the traditional bookends of summer, as you all know. Coincidence? I think not. So I put my blog and my book and my stories and everything else I usually diddle with (even my mailing list full of crazy people whom I love) to the side with a big sign on top saying "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL SEPTEMBER."

And these things pretty much sat there all summer while I went out and did stuff. And it's been a rather glorious stretch of time, all bitchiness about the ridiculous heat aside. Float trips and camping trips and weddings and mini-vacations and liquor and friends and wheeeee! Lots of work, but that's not a bad thing either. Books/DVDs/comics/music are good, and food is good, and a bank account isn't a bad thing either. And I feel rejuvenated somehow. I'm more than ready to hop back on that great big bulldozer in my mind, fire it up, and start pushing shit around to see just what kind of piles I can make.

So, for those of you who may actually still be with me - hi! Good to see you again. I've missed ya. Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into now, shall we?

old skool posse

2006-05-30T22:39:00.000-05:00

It's astonishing to me, especially considering the absolute loathing that I feel for the city of Springfield, just how many truly amazing friends I have from my years there. I think a lot of people would consider themselves extremely lucky to know and be friends with... oh, say half a dozen of the kind of people that I'm talking about. I can think of at least two dozen without even trying. We're talking friends you'd take a bullet for, friends you've been through everything life can throw at you with, friends that enrich your life just by the very fact of their existence. And it wasn't like I just luckily stumbled across a pocket of them one moonlit night when the planets were all aligned - every year I spent there just somehow seemed to add two or three new people to the Cool As Shit List.

The wedding I went up there for this last weekend? These people go waaaaaaaay back to the beginning. I met Justin (the best man) during the first few weeks of my time in Springfield, Jimi (the groom, and one of Justin's best friends) within a few months of that, and the core of "the group" - we never had, or needed, any more of a name than that - really formed pretty quickly from that point.

Hoo boy, you want to talk about a bunch of people who went through it all together? You name it, at least one of us either did it or had it happen to us. We made more than our share of mistakes, had more than our share of happiness, and lived way more than our share of life. Looking back, the period of time when we were a tightly-knit little community unto ourselves (Long Live Mortal Kombat 2!) was actually surprisingly brief, but even after we splintered off into our own little subgroups and started collecting different people around them, our paths still managed to keep crossing and recrossing in the strangest of ways. I mean... Jimi and I were carnies together, for crying out loud! That probably says all you really need to know about what a long strange trip it's been.

And here we are, thirteen years or so later, celebrating the marriage of Jimi and Connie. I'm not the only person who escaped Springfield like they were strapped to a rocket as soon as they got a chance - as a matter of fact, there's nobody left there now except for Dave, and I think we all agree that he stopped mattering a long time ago. Somewhere around the time when he turned into pondscum. But I digress. We scattered to the four winds years ago, and so there were noticeable holes in the lineup - but everyone was there in spirit. It was obvious as soon as you got even a small number of us in a room together. And whether a few more people had managed to make it or not, I don't think it would have been possible to have any more fun than we had. (And the fact that every waitress in Springfield apparently wants to sleep with me doesn't affect my opinion of this the tiniest bit. That's just a bonus.)

I truly miss these people. I miss 'em a lot. No other group of people, and I've found myself in the middle of a number of great ones, can make me laugh quite like these guys still can. We need to start holding yearly family reunions or something. And if Jimi and Connie are as lucky in love as we've all been in friendship, they're going to be together forever.

I wish them nothing less.

Gabrielle Anwar, you're so much better than this

2006-05-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

Flying Virus
4:00 PM Channel 175 SCI-FI
120 minutes

Genetically altered bees carrying a deadly virus terrorize airplane passengers. Gabrielle Anwar, Rutger Hauer, Craig Sheffer.

I love this listing. It's so schizophrenic. Is it a bee movie? (The summary, along with the name Rutger Hauer, has already told us that it's a B-movie.) Is it a deadly virus movie? Is it an airline disaster movie? You can just see the scriptwriter sitting alone in his little studio apartment late one night, thinking "disaster movies have been pretty hot lately... the Sci-Fi channel will always buy them even if they're bad... hmm... and if one disaster is spectacular, then multiple disasters have got to be the absolute shit! I think I'm onto something here!" *frenetic typing*

See also: Snakes on a Plane. Although I'm not going to make fun of that, because Samuel L. would probably come to my house and kick my ass. Also, I happen to plan on seeing it. Promptly.

I admit to being somewhat disappointed, however. Why stop at just three? Such wasted potential. Give me a listing like "Genetically altered bees carrying a deadly virus terrorize airplane passengers over the Bermuda Triangle while a meteor strike during a Category 5 hurricane causes earthquakes and tsunamis." Now that would inspire me to turn on the television. I'd probably even make popcorn. Everybody would win. Well, except for Gabrielle Anwar. She needs to fire her agent.

Springfield stories and thoughts to come! May has been amazing.

Carolina!

2006-05-21T14:34:00.000-05:00

Woot! What a vacation. My friends, I love you all.

So many stories! Like the lack of gravity in England. The evil pagan "priest" wishing the happy couple all the best in their "lifetime of head." It burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire. Slimy mating conchs doing it in plain sight in the surf. Thieving from cupcake towers. Not speeding on the island. Uncle Sonny! Liking pink no matter what color it is. The Jesus trailer. A barefoot walk down the moonlit beach with a totally groovy chick. Hijacked wi-fi connections. A pool in the backyard! Every one of our flights in actually landing *early*. "You'd love my bacon." The Tuesday morning sunrise over the Atlantic. More Corona with lime than you can shake a stick at. And Katrina stuffing us with food, food, food, so much good food. Not to mention... hey! A couple of really great people tied the knot!

Ah. I'm still high on life.

There are pictures, of course, and those of you who I count as friends are more than welcome to check them out if you so desire. I'm not going to post them (or the link to them) here on the blog, however, as I question whether or not the people I shared my time with would like having random shots of themselves floating around the internet for just anyone with some time on their hands to check out. So! Email me or drop a comment or something and I'll get the link to you post-haste. Or at least semi-post-haste.

When's the next roadtrip?

stinkin' muties

2006-05-18T21:03:00.000-05:00

I had absolutely no idea that the Hardy Boys ever fought Magneto.

Because people like to say salsa

2006-05-07T18:32:00.000-05:00

I learned something new at Target this afternoon. Well, actually, no, I didn't learn it at Target at all. I learned it once I got home from Target and sat down to tinker with my new mp3 player. But anyway. They have a store brand, Archer Farms, which I've bought in the past and is usually pretty darn good. Which, you know, is why I continue to buy it. Apparently, however, it's owned and operated by a group of five year-old girls with overly sensitive palates. That is, if I'm to believe the evidence before me in the form of a jar their "hot" salsa. Yeah, yeah, so it's got corn and black beans and real herbs and such in it. Whoop-dee-doo. The jar doesn't say "fancy" salsa. It says "hot." Keep your hoity-toity vegetables to yourself and just give me some freakin' Scoville units.

In semi-related news, I think I'm just about completely shopped out. But I'm finally all set up for the Carolina trip (which is this week! rawk), including some things that I've needed for a while and just never got around to buying, such as the aforementioned mp3 player and a digital camera. The only thing left to buy is a haircut, and that's not exactly the same.

Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow

2006-05-06T16:12:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Katie and her quest for a CTU (as in 24) ringtone, I decided to get off my ass and finally figure out how to make my own ringtones for the phone I got like six months ago. And thanks to the power of the internet, elbow grease, and a little ingenuity, the following conversation is now my ringtone:

First Jive Dude: Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man.
FJD: I say hey sky, s'other say I wan' say?
SJD: Uh...
FJD: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
SJD: Eh. Yo, knock yo'self a pro, slick - that gray matter back live performas down now take TCB'in, man.
FJD: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em?
Together: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em!
FJD: Cold got to be! You know? Shiiiiiiit.

Hurray! The only problem now is that I'm just going to let my phone ring and ring...

It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

2006-05-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

On the minus side: I spent the day in Tahlequah, stuffing books into boxes. Because the bookstore doesn't have enough books (untrue) and all of the employees just sit around on their asses all day long (also untrue), loafing their way to their enormous paychecks (so completely untrue as to be ludicrous). I'll be doing this for a number of days. Along the way I'll be loading and unloading a pickup truck, using said boxes, and then once everything is finally all boxed up there will be a day or two that involves some sort of rented truck. This is not something that I see as being a particularly good time.

On the plus side: A bunch of people that I truly miss are, as of this evening and an invite from a guy I hadn't talked to in forever and a subsequent surf through his friends list, now on my myspace list. Would that I were going to North Carolina in nine days and not South, because then I could meet up with at least a couple of them. (Not that I have any problems with the SC trip, because it's gonna kick so much ass.) I do a lot of bitching about Springfield, mainly because it sucks. But I did meet quite a few great people there. I mean really awesomely cool people, people you'd take a bullet for if the situation called for it, people you should stay in much closer touch with than I currently do.

On the minus side: I had to kind of "break things off" with someone that I wasn't officially "dating" anyway, and it was a little rougher on both of us (I think - it was on me, anyway, and I get the impression I'm not alone in that) than it probably would/should have been if we really were just kinda "having fun" and "not really interested in getting attached." Or maybe it's just been long enough since I've been in that situation that I'm misinterpreting things entirely, because that's possible. Anyway, now I feel kinda sad. Hopefully we can at least still be friends. Because she really is a cool person.

On the plus side: There's a reason for the previous minus, and that reason has a feminine name. But I'm not going to jinx things by talking too much about that. Just... happy yay joy whee!

On the minus side: feeling kinda sad + happy yay joy whee = mental confusion and steadily accumulating tiredness.

On the plus side: I've got a bed upstairs. Which should take care of that pesky tiredness. Me and Neal Stephenson have a date with that bed in pretty short order.

Also today, I:

found like six books I've been looking for forever.
saw the most disgusting "sushi" I've ever seen at a Chinese buffet in Tahlequah, OK (which is a perfectly logical place to see the most disgusting "sushi" ever, actually).
almost fell asleep on the clock. I was, however, in the bookstore's truck between cities, which isn't exactly like falling asleep at my desk or anything.
found out that Stef is in town for like a month, which is cool. I think she's the one I'm going to drag to "Poseidon," since my roomie works like all freakin' weekend long these days.
made Mug root beer come out of somebody's nose.
almost took my left eye out with the corner of a cardboard box.
used the word "obstreperous" in conversation.

All in all, it felt a lot like a Monday. I'm glad it wasn't, though. The weekend's far enough away as it is.

Cascia's equation

2006-04-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

At the bank tonight, we did a reunion kinda thingie for bunches of people who had gone to Cascia Hall, which is a private Catholic prep school here in Tulsa. Where:

C=Catholics
F=Free food
L=Free Liquor
and
T=Time

(300C + F + L) x T = absolute freakin' pandemonium

Wow. You want to talk about a zoo.

Also, I'm getting rather tired of the bank's "function" menu. Not that the food is bad, because it's not. It's just that I've been there for about two years now, and we still put the same food out there for pretty much every party that we do (aside from the Christmas parties, which are a whole other animal). I want variety! Yes, if something works well, you should stick with it - but only to a point. I guarantee that we could find another dozen things that work just as well without even trying hard, and then at least we could mix and match a little bit based on the makeup of the crowd in question.

But aside from that minor gripe, and the fact that tax season is over so the owner's about to be back at the bookstore all the time screwing things up for everybody, life rocks right now. I've got my tickets for South Carolina. I've got a new digital camera (random assorted pictures to follow once I get used to it). I'm getting a new mp3 player this weekend. I'm losing those last 15 pounds or so that I need to before I hit the beach. I've got money in the bank, the ol' Explorer is driving like a dream, I've been spending a good amount of time with some really good people, and I'm just plain happy.

Yay!

The Dumbest Movie Guy Ever

2006-04-10T00:39:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching "Christine," right? Well, no, I'm not watching it. It's on mostly for background noise whilst I putz around online waiting to get sleepy again. Whatever. My television is on, and there's a 1958 Plymouth Fury driving around curing Arnie Cunningham's pimples and killing people.

There's one scene in this movie that I always have to stop and watch, for the sheer joy of the carnage as well as for the hilariousness of The Dumbest Movie Guy Ever's decision. It's when Christine is going around town wreaking havoc and laying waste to all of Arnie's enemies. You know, the tough guys that beat her up and left Arnie a special present on the dashboard. There's the big showdown at the gas station where Christine smashes up Poor Man's Vinnie Barbarino's car and then plows it into the garage (remember when gas staions had garages?), running over one of the other tough guys in the process. Scratch one shitter. Of course, this ruptures PMVB's gas tank and causes a flood of gas to leak everywhere. Which, of course, is then set off by some random fire that was apparently burning in PMVB's car. Another shitter screams and burns. The gas station explodes. Christine comes screeching out of the flames in all her righteous glory. PMVB, appropriately horrified by the deaths of his two friends and the fiery spectre of his approaching doom, takes off running. Christine gets all like, "I'll be with you in a minute, dearie," and takes the time to run over a few gas pumps on her way out. The gas station, every car in the parking lot, and every single remaining gas pump then explode in succession, one by one, in The First Gas Station Explosion Visible From Space. Rawk. I love me some 'splosions.

After TFGSEVFS plays itself out, we catch up to PMVB just to see what he's up to. He's running like hell, which is about the smartest thing he's done in the whole entire movie. Not so tough now, are ya, boy? Yeah, see, the Flaming Death Car'll put the fear of God in ya. Too little too late, suckah. You goan' die. And I say it's the smartest thing he's done in the whole entire movie, but that's only from a certain point of view. I mean, running from the Flaming Death Car = smart. At the exact same time, however, he's being The Dumbest Movie Guy Ever. Special experts have recreated the thought process behind this stunning acheivement using dental records, stem cell milkshakes, and time travelling monkeys, and here for the first time ever are their results:

"I should run. Holy shit, it's a Flaming Death Car. Yes, run. Run run run. Oh my God that's a whole lot of explosions. I wonder if they can see that from space. Not bad, Flaming Death Car. Not bad at all. Usually I like destruction and evil pranks like this. Now I know how all those people that I always stepped on felt. I'm sorry! So sorry! If only I could escape the Flaming Death Car, I would so totally live the rest of my life making right what once went wrong. I would be a good boy. I would love orphans and scratch kitties behind the ears and everything. Oh, woe is me, how shall I escape the Flaming Death Car out here in the middle of nowhere where there's only one road? Oh, I know! Run RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ONLY ROAD! Right on the yellow line! Yes! Cars hate roads! It's genius!" *squoosh*

Thus ends the saga of The Dumbest Movie Guy Ever. Tune in next week when we give out the award for "Most Hilarious Display of a Tonka Truck as a Special Effect." Cheers, mates.

Weekend Update...

2006-04-09T22:27:00.000-05:00

...but not with Dennis Miller. sigh. Those were the days.

Saturday night we headed out to the movies and caught "V For Vendetta." For those of you who may not know, it's based on a comic by Alan Moore. Alan Moore is one of those people who brought a badly-needed shot of respectability and depth to the comic book biz - he, Neil Gaiman, and Frank Miller (among several others, but these guys are the giants) did a lot to change the face of the industry over the past 20 years. And the comic version of V rocks. As such, I was a little bit afraid of the film, because I expected the story to be endlessly tweaked and a lot of the ideas to be watered down. Hollywood does that sometimes, you know. I also expected the Wachowski brothers to screw it all up in some way or another, because - well, look at what they did to the Matrix trilogy. Such a promising beginning, such a waste in the end.

The verdict? Well, I enjoyed myself, although some of the things I worried about did come to pass, at least to a degree. Visually, of course, it was stunning, and the action sequences were everything we've come to expect in the age of CGI. Most of the actors did a splendid job, although Hugo Weaving was bugging me from time to time. Which is weird, because I like him a lot. The film loses its way a bit, however, when it comes to the central ideas of Moore's work. For one, it seemed like the movie was made not necessarily because the original material was thought provoking and entertaining, but more because the central ideas are such hot-button issues for our times (thus generating crucial "buzz" for the film - nothing gets your name out there faster than a little controversy). Also, the original comics are honestly just too literary and dense to neatly fit into a two hour box. It's like - well, picture the movie as an ocean, if you will, and the heady ideas contained within as icebergs adrift in that sea. 10% of them may have been touched on in one way or another, but the other 90% were left lurking unseen and unexplored beneath the waves. Does that make any kind of sense? I can understand to a point why Moore dissociated himself from the project, although I do also think that he didn't need to be so pissy about it. Intelligent fans who love his work will always see the film and the comics as two separate entities, just as Stephen King fans look at Kubrick's version of "The Shining." The movie doesn't diminish the book, nor is one of them necessarily "worse" or "better" than the other. They're just different.

After that, it was drinkin' time. And drink we did. Hoo, boy, did we ever. The less said about that the better, I think, although a good time was had by all (you know who you are) and it was sorely needed. I didn't even really mind the inevitable hangover that followed early this morning, although I could also have definitely done without it.

Waking up early this morning on a couch that wasn't my own, I stumbled on home (figuratively, of course) to watch the early morning coverage of the rain-delayed third round of the Masters. Which ended up being a mistake, although it's hard for me to just ignore a television when there's a major being played. Even so, I could have saved myself some future grief by deciding to take a nap in the time before CBS's coverage of the final round started this afternoon. I didn't, though. I figured "I'll probably just sleep right through my alarm and miss all the action. I can just stay up, it's not like I got no sleep last night. I'll be cool."

Oops. I made it through the first half of the afternoon coverage, no problem - but right about the time that the leaders were making the turn, my body said "nuh-uh." And I crashed. Reeeeeally hard. Missed the rest of the tournament (yay Phil, and thanks for winning without any drama, so at least I don't have to be too upset about missing it), missed Gary heading upstairs to crash himself, missed everything else that may or may not have happened in my apartment between then and about 9:30 tonight. And missed my plans to hang out with a certain someone this evening, plans that have been on my mind for a week or more since she's been so all-fired busy and our schedules seem to always be at odds lately. And that's something that is probably going to get me into some hot water. Well, there's no probably to it. The only question is just how deep that water is going to be. And I can't even call tonight to apologize, because due to said all-fired busyness (that word always looks wrong to me), there's a better than average chance that she's already in bed thanks to the hellacious week that awaits her. Argh.

If there's an upside to my idiocy, it's that I did manage to wake up just early enough to catch the Cubs' most excellent 8th inning rally against the hated Cardinals. Michael Barrett, you rock. Nothing like a little comeback action to get the juices flowing, especially when said comeback includes a grand slam that leaves the park like it's tied to a rocket. And, of course, few things in life are as satisfying to a Cub fan as sweeping the Boobirds. Maybe this is the year? Nah, I doubt it. (Hi, Hank :op)

So. I'm off to write a lame email of sorritude (something's better than nothing, right?) and then maybe puzzle out just what form my forthcoming ass-kissing needs to take. Good times!

Albuquerque: The City That Cares

2006-04-03T19:55:00.000-05:00

There's this pile of old newspapers that's been on my desk at work for a few weeks now. It'll probably be there for a few more, too, because I've got way too many things on my to-do list at the GUBAM to worry about a few tore-up and yellowing papers that my boss wants priced way too high anyway. See, he likes to buy stuff that nobody wants and then mark it at prices that nobody will ever pay. Apparently he doesn't like it when people actually buy his merchandise. He seems to want to keep it all forever and then build himself a big fat honkin' pyramid (actually, he wouldn't build the thing, it'd be more like "have Dan do it") so he can take it all with him when he dies. Not quite sure how he plans on finding anyone to mummify him in this day and age, however. Maybe he knows somebody that'll do it for trade credit.

Anyway. I digress.

So I'm leafing through these newspapers this morning, really just kinda wasting some time since I don't get to take smoke breaks anymore, when I come across an Albuquerque Journal from Friday morning, October 16, 1964 (RUSSIA OUSTS KHRUSHCHEV). In the upper left of the front page there's a smallish blurb with the heading "Today's Smile." I'm an inquisitive guy by nature, so I think to myself "hmm, I wonder what people were smiling about in October of 1964?" Also, I'm not quite done wasting time yet. So I read it.

Today's Smile
New Delhi (AP) - The exasperated city government has decided that about 100 slum families can just stay in the slums. They were allotted 240-square-foot tracts on which to escape their filthy ghettos and start life anew, but they quickly sold the plots to big landowners and moved back into the slums.

Ha ha! Those crazy poor people!

Is this really the sort of thing that America found amusing 40 years ago? Wow. Never mind if these poor folks desperately needed food, or if maybe they had a roof over their heads in the ghetto and kinda liked living indoors during monsoon season. Excessive poverty and human suffering are hilarious!

Blame Canada

2006-03-29T23:00:00.000-06:00

During Lost tonight (and while we're on the subject of Lost, here's a question for you: is Locke's dad the "real" Sawyer?), ABC showed a commercial for the latest reality show that I'm completely ignoring, American Inventor. "One hit show has captured America's heart," voice-over guy says as we watch various people demonstrating their assorted new inventions. "I absolutely love it," continues some other guy that I don't know from Adam. Maybe he's on the show. Maybe he's just talking about Malt-o-Meal, which is tasty and deserving of love. Who knows? Then voice-over guy is back. "It's almost impossible to stop watching!" This last is a quote, which I know because they displayed it onscreen as voice-over guy was saying it. They have to speak them out loud when they show them, you know, because we're too lazy to be bothered with actually reading them. Anyway, this quote is attributed to the Toronto Globe and Mail.

Does anyone else find it rather amusing that as proof that this show has "captured America's heart," ABC offers us a glowing quote from a Canadian newspaper?

the slipper. still. fits.

2006-03-26T15:47:00.000-06:00

George Mason is going to the Final Four. Oh my.

Now that is what this tournament is all about.

On a completely unrelated note, another link has been added to the links section in the sidebar. It's this one right here, in case you feel like checking it out but are far too lazy to go through all the trouble of scrolling down and figuring out just what's new there. This is my friend Kent's page at deviantART. He's a supercool guy and he draws some neat stuff - lots of comic book- and/or anime-type art, although he's certainly not limited to that - so if you're interested in that sort of thing then you should definitely go check him out.

Man, I didn't get paid for that plug or anything. I need a better agent.

updated at 9:40 pm: There's a Final Four survey over at ESPN.com right now, and one of the questions is "How many teams did you correctly pick to reach the Final Four?" Of the nearly 25,000 responses at this point, 2% of the respondents (roughly 500) said "4." I'd be shocked if 2 people in America had George Mason's name pencilled into their Final Four when they filled out their brackets, let alone 2%. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that there are no #1 seeds left, and who fills out a bracket without picking at least one of them to go that far? In fact, I don't know that there's even been a Final Four (at least since the tournament field expanded to 64) that didn't include a single #1 seed. Liars, every last fucking one of you. What's the point of lying to an anonymous poll? Who does that impress?

Good grief.

update part 2, Monday at 8:30 am: So ESPN released some details about the entries in their Tournament Challenge bracket contest. Out of over 3 million entries, a whopping four of them got the Final Four right - although 1,853 entries actually had George Mason getting there. Which means I underestimated the number of people nationwide who would actually pick GMU, basically because I didn't think about the alumni factor - those people who pick their old school to go all the way no matter how "realistic" it may seem to be. But still. Four out of 3 million is a far cry from 500 out of 25,000, no? Like I said. Liars. Too funny. America, you suck.

And I'm at work way too early because we're supposed to go pick up some stuff, and of course the guy we're supposed to get it from isn't answering the phone and it's looking like it's not going to happen and I coulda just stayed in bed. Awesome. Like I needed to lose a few extra hours of sleep at the beginning of a 60+ hour work week. Oh, hurry up, Friday afternoon.

And then, Duke choked.

2006-03-23T20:29:00.000-06:00

Thanks, guys. Now I want a smoke even worse. :op

day two

2006-03-23T20:03:00.000-06:00

Ohmigod this sucks. Suckity-suck-suck-sucks. I haven't had a cigarette in... let's see, about 42 hours. Wow. Grrrrr. Kill, kill, blood makes the grass grow.

Actually, though, it's not nearly as bad as it has been the times I've tried to quit in the past. I can really tell that the Wellbutrin is making a huge difference. There were entire hours today when I didn't even think about how badly I needed a smoke. Then I remembered and got all superbitchy again. ^_^

Here's a bonus, though - in the past, whenever I've made a remotely serious effort to quit, I've lost weight. Every single time. Weird, isn't it? Everyone else on the planet gains weight when they quit. Leave it to Todd to do things completely differently and totally ignore the laws of time and space. So hopefully, the extra 15 pounds or so that I've been carrying around for a few months will also soon be history. Yay being back at my fighting weight!

Go Duke.

Sinus infections rock.

2006-03-20T15:05:00.000-06:00

I believe it was Voltaire who said "the art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." Which is usually true, but the drugs my doctor gave me this morning amounted to something more than just clowns pouring out of a Volkswagen (German engineering in da haus) - after the coma-like nap I fell into upon returning home and calling in to the bookstore, my headache is gone, I can almost breathe again, and I feel like eventually I may be up to becoming a relatively productive member of society once more. Thanks, doc.

I've really spent a lot of time this "winter" under the weather, which isn't cool. I've taken to writing it off to two things - the weird weather we've had here and the fact that I sincerely need to quit smoking. The weather I can't do anything about, but the smoking I can, and will. I've finally moved past the talking about it stage and into the doing something about it stage, and the doing something about it consists of this little tiny white pill I'm about to swaller. (gulp) Yes indeed, Todd's on Wellbutrin. As of Wednesday morning, I should be done smoking. I hope I hope I hope, anyway.

So consider yourselves warned - I may be an incorrigible grump for the next couple-few weeks. If you deal with me in day-to-day life, I apologize in advance. If you don't - well, then, just sit back and laugh at Mr. Grumpy Blog as he regales you with his bitchiness. ^_^

Dear Steve Alford:

2006-03-17T14:02:00.000-06:00

Your #3 seeded Hawkeyes just blew a 17 point lead with under 10 minutes to play. Due to your switching them to a slow-it-down style, which every sports fan in America could tell you never works. Ever. This was your final chance. And boy, did you blow it.

Have fun at Indiana. I can't wait to beat your team's ass every year until they kick you out too. Buh-bye.

In Heaven There Is No Beer

2006-03-13T20:26:00.000-06:00

While I was busy doing other things this weekend (but I still found time to watch the games, oh yes I did, you bettah believe it), my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes stormed their way to the Big Ten Tournament title. So the selection committee promptly gifted them with a #3 seeding for The Dance. That happens to be their second-highest seeding ever - they were a 2 once, and just missed going to the Final Four that year (by virtue of blowing like a 20-point halftime lead on UNLV). And I've actually even heard their name come up in national title contender discussions, although not by very many people. Or very often. But I've heard it. And that rocks.

I love The Dance. The upsets. The close calls. The storied rivalries. The amazing finishes. The no-names who suddenly have names. The announcers going wild. The crowd going wilder. The filling out of the brackets. The office pool shit-talkin'. The heartbreak when your first Final Four team goes down in the second round. The ecstasy of that 12-seed that you picked going to the Elite Eight actually doing it. The madness of the first four days, where it seems like they're playing basketball somewhere in America at any given minute. Ahhhhhhhh. I loves me some Cubbies, and I loves me some Bear and Hawkeye football, but there's nothing quite like these three-plus weeks in March.

Now if they'd just stop sticking Iowa in Duke's regional every stinkin' year. At least this year it won't matter until the Elite Eight, if at all... but if it does end up mattering, I'm going to be ticked. Bad enough that my two favorite teams may have to face off for a spot in the Final Four, but even worse that my second-favorite is very clearly the better of the two. But let's burn that bridge when we come to it, shall we? I'm still basking in the glow of that 3-seed.

Learn to drive!

2006-03-07T22:17:00.000-06:00

Three times today I got cut off in one way or another and had to slam on my brakes hard enough to lock 'em and leave pretty black stripes behind me on the pavement. Three. Twice on the way to work this morning - the first one less than a mile away from my place, meaning it was probably only about 15 minutes after I got out of bed. That's not the greatest way to start your day. And it was the worst of the three, too. It required swerving and lawn-driving and everything! #1 Super Genius decided that he wanted to take a shot at turning left across the road in front of me when I was, oh, maybe fifty feet away. And moving about 45. Go right ahead! I'll only fuck up the passenger side of your car! You never sit over there anyway! Whee. I love Tulsa drivers. (Although at least I won't feel the need to pay for a reflex test anytime soon.)

Can you sue the city for failing to properly test and license people? Hmm.

ION, I love Harry Potter. 2007 is tooooo far away.

I'd like a large mushroom pizza, hold the Jesus

2006-03-02T21:03:00.000-06:00

Every Domino's pizza I ate before 1998 helped pay for this.

I can't even begin to tell you how not right that is. I'm never eating pizza again.

Speaking of song lyrics

2006-03-01T22:57:00.000-06:00

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I got a bad case of lovin' you

...

So...

Robert Palmer's in love with his doctor?

I guess I'm just not romantic enough

2006-03-01T19:06:00.000-06:00

Because you know what? I totally would mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain.

Out of the mouths of babes...

2006-02-28T21:31:00.000-06:00

Secily and I just had a long conversation which covered a wide range of topics such as the penalties I would suffer if I ate her brownies, the Beautiful Crying Princess Who Can't Dance, whether or not Godzilla can beat SpaceGodzilla, and who's the fastest runner in the whole world. (She's about the coolest of all possible little girls.) As we were winding up our discourse, she informed me that she wasn't smart because she was a princess. I then informed her that princesses had to be smart to be princesses, so that meant she was smart. QED, little white girl! I'm Rick James, bitch! She rejoindered by informing me once again that no, she wasn't smart, she was a princess. We verbally dueled for a while before, hands on hips and the seriousest of serious looks on her face, she defiantly issued her final riposte:

"I'm not smart!"
(pause)
"I'm happy!"
(storms away)

Wise beyond her years, that one. Not smart my ass. ^_~

Love, Supernegro

2006-02-28T18:14:00.000-06:00

So I'm pricing books at work, like twenty seconds ago, and I come across a book called "Civil War Curiosities." I open it up to write our price on the first white page, because that's how things work 'round these parts, and I notice this blurb on the jacket:

"FACT: Enough tactical material has been published about the Civil War to fill endless rows of shelves."

And I laugh, because that's stupid. Someone needs to get on the horn to Mr. Webb Garrison and tell him just what "endless" means. But that's not what prompted this post. No, what prompted this post was the note I noticed on the inside of the front cover as I was laughing about the blurb - a note I probably never would have read had the blurb itself not broken my rhythm (I was totally getting my price on, ya know). In its entirety, it reads:

"I saw this book and thought of you, my Vietnamese Princess. Thank you for being such an awesome friend... and more.
Love, Supernegro
P.S. Let's see Whitey White Pants top this."

I so want to know the story behind all this. But I never will. Sigh.

OK, back to work. Don't tell the boss.

Friday already?

2006-02-24T17:48:00.000-06:00

Wow. This week flew by so fast, here it is the weekend and I have no idea whatsoever just what I'm supposed to do with it. Not that that's a bad thing. It was a very good week, a truly good week, an almost perfect week aside from the mild hangover I'm sporting this afternoon and the spectre of serious laundry looming in my immediate future - and it happened mostly on the fly, so I could do worse than to stretch that on out into my days off.

"On out into?" Is that even legal?

My "daily fortune" for the day says that "you can open doors now with a combination of charm and patience." Which is handy, because sometimes my arms are full. Who knew that the internet could bless us with such godlike powers? Or perhaps the more important question is: Are my awesome new powers enough to allow me admittance to the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning? Because that would be flippin' sweet.

Gotta run, life's a-callin'. In the immortal words of Phil Vassar:

There goes the washing machine
Baby, don’t kick it
I promise I’ll fix it...

(yikes)

"I am no man."

2006-02-21T19:50:00.000-06:00

Chicks rule.

And if you're not totally in love with Miranda Otto... well, I don't know what to tell you.

Everything's sparkly!

2006-02-21T17:35:00.000-06:00

No, the glitter fairies didn't drop the bomb on Tulsa. I'm just stupid tired. I would kill for a normal night's sleep right about now, because I haven't had one since... I guess last Wednesday night. My sleepytime got all thrown off when I was feeling screwy Thursday night and Friday, and then since getting up early Saturday morning the most sleep I've gotten in a night is three and a half hours. And I can't even go to bed now, even though I've been up for about 20 hours (passed out on the couch early last night, woke up about 9:30, and never did manage to get back to sleep), because if I did I'd wake up at like 3 in the morning and then rather than a lack of sleep issue I'd have a sleep schedule issue. Which is just as aggravating when you've got two jobs. Quite possibly even more so.

I know, I know. Wah. Hey, I'll admit it - I've turned into a much bigger wuss about sleep since I finally got past my habitual insomnia a few years back. Wuss or not, though, if I can't hit the sack yet it would be nice to at least have a backrub, a beer, and maybe some snoggin'. I'd settle for the first two, I suppose. But, you know, while I'm wishing...

Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis

2006-02-20T00:51:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been in just a really really great mood, probably all out of proportion to what the circumstances truly merited? (Well, of course you have, we're all human here. And if we're not, then would the alien please step forward now? I'd like you to take me with you when you leave.) That's where I am tonight. Part of it may be the fact that I probably spend too much time in a worse mood than the circumstances merit, and so a truly good mood seems even better than it is. But most of it is just... ah. Yay life.

Have a great week, Mouseketeers. May the wind at your backs always be your own. :op

It snowed!

2006-02-18T15:08:00.000-06:00

Well, no, it really didn't. We got about an inch. There was a time when I wouldn't have even noticed such a wimpy little dusting, but when you live in Tulsa you don't quite get the awesome snowfall amounts that I fell in love with as a child in Iowa. You have to take what you can get. But you can't sled on it, you can't make snow angels in it, and a snowman or a snowball fight are totally out of the question (and even if there was enough on the ground to make it worthwhile, it's too cold outside and hence the snow's not right for it anyway). So it's hard to be excited about it. Especially since I have to venture out for some groceries this afternoon, because a) people in Tulsa lose their freakin' minds when there's snow/ice and drive even worse than they usually do, and b) they also seem to think that it's going to last forever, so I'm sure that some of the things I need like eggs and milk and bread will be completely sold out. Bastards. How the hell am I supposed to make French Toast?

Iowa-Minnesota in 20 minutes. Go Hawks.

(updated at 5:45) Minnesota 74, Iowa 61... see? What did I tell you would happen as soon as I decided this basketball team was for real? I hate being right all the time.

Dear America...

2006-02-16T22:24:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention that you're just not paying attention. The following is a partial list of things that you could know with a bare minimum of effort - and should know, considering how often you seem to bring them up in conversation:

Lemmings do not commit mass suicide. Ever. Period. Nor do they follow each other blindly around any more than any other stampeding group of animals does.
Humans do not use only 10% of their brains. (Well, maybe a lot of people do...)
Whirlpools - in bathtubs, sinks, toilets, etc. - in the southern hemisphere do not spin in the other direction. Coriolis force is very real, true. But its effects are far too small to be relevant to a body of water like a sink or a bath, unless your tub is a few hundred miles in diameter.
The word "sushi" does not refer to seafood.
The Great Wall of China is not the only human structure visible from space.
Eating turkey does not make you tired. Tryptophan, although it is a natural sedative, does not act on the brain unless it is taken on an totally empty stomach. With no protein present. There's all sorts of protein in turkey. And who has an empty stomach on Thanksgiving?
Your hair and fingernails do not continue to grow after you die.
Al Gore never claimed to have invented the internet.
The day after Thanksgiving is not the biggest shopping day of the year. It may have the highest amount of traffic, although that's arguable, but sales-wise it's almost always beat by all four days of the two weekends before Christmas (and occasionally by other days as well).
Reading in dim light or sitting too close to the TV will not damage your eyesight.
A person who gets what they deserve does not get their "just desserts." They get their "just deserts."
The suicide rate does not rise during the holidays.

That's a start. I expect progress here, America. Don't disappoint me.

You Lost guys and your anagrams

2006-02-16T00:38:00.000-06:00

"Henry Gale, Minnesota" = "See another (or 'an other') man lying"

(Just, you know, in case y'all weren't convinced of his Otherness by that tres creepy stare he shot Sayid as the armory door swung closed.)

And Jack really needs to start keeping his whiny little piehole shut. I swear to God, if I was trapped on Craphole Island with these people I'd be begging Sayid to work on him next...

OK, I'm in.

2006-02-14T23:12:00.000-06:00

I've been reserving judgment on this Iowa Hawkeye basketball team because, frankly, I'm not quite sure what to make of them. Steve Alford, to this point, just hasn't been the next great Hawkeye coach that we Iowa fans all thought he would become - and he's had plenty of time to make a serious start, this is his seventh season. Over the course of his time in Iowa City, he's had some teams that were brilliant for stretches of time, but they always managed to quietly fade away when it came down to it. They don't make it to the dance as a rule, like they used to. They haven't made much noise in the dance for far too long. And so on.

So I've been watching with a jaded eye, just waiting for the fade. They beat #7 Kentucky, gave #2 Texas a serious run for their money for about 38 minutes, and beat #21 N.C. State in a stretch of about 10 days back in November, and I was like "yeah, whatever." Then they lost back-to-back games at Northern Iowa and Iowa State (both pretty good teams, but still) in mid-December and I thought "uh-huh! see?!"

I think I was wrong about this team. Tonight in Iowa City they took down their fifth ranked team in a row, the Michigan State Spartans. The win gave them a full-game lead (and the inside track) in the Big Ten, a conference they haven't won outright since 1970. It was their 16th straight home victory (including a 15-point stomping of then #6 and 15-0 Illinois, how sweet that was), setting a school record. They play killer defense and have a chemistry that's been lacking in Iowa basketball for quite a while.

They will, of course, promptly reward my declaration of belief with a couple of losses in their last four games, a second- or third-place finish in the conference in the regular season, and an early exit from the Big Ten tournament. Because this is what my teams do.

In other news, Duke still kicks ass.

Sunday afternoon carpentry

2006-02-12T16:38:00.000-06:00

Yet another shelf has been added to the wall... and once everything was spread out a bit and the stuff from the "new" pile was added, things already started looking relatively full. I'm going to have to figure something else out soon, because there's no room left on the wall to add another shelf unless I radically rearrange the living room.

Yeesh. I have way too many DVDs.

I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair

2006-02-11T10:23:00.000-06:00

But her name's Mindi. And her hair is blonde.

Everybody has their regrets. Things they should have done, things they shouldn't have done, words they wish they could take back, decisions they wish they'd never made. It's a part of being human. In a way we're all William Katt, standing in the California desert of our minds with this amazing life but no instruction manual.

But that's OK. We learn from these mistakes. We grow and change and find our new opportunities wherever we can, even though the path we end up on may not be the one we had imagined. In whatever way we can, we make our peace with these things, and then we get on with our lives. We go forward because there's no going back. And besides, time heals all wounds, right?

Bullshit. It heals a hell of a lot of them - but almost eleven years' worth of water has gone under the bridge since I lost the girl I truly should have married, and she still haunts my dreams.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those miserable people who spend the rest of their lives dwelling on one mistake, letting it get in the way of everything else they could have accomplished after that. I don't compare every single girl I meet to her. I haven't let the spectre of one long-ago relationship hover over every one - or even the possibility of one - since. I don't lie in bed awake at night driving myself crazy with thoughts of what might/should have been. As I live my day-to-day life, sure, thoughts of her come up, but they're no different than thoughts of any of the other things I've done over the course of my 34 years that turned out to be mistakes. Something reminds me of her, I look back, I heave a mental sigh, I wonder where she is now and just how she's doing, and then I get on with my day.

But my subconscious? Ah, that's another story entirely. At least once every 6 weeks or so, I lose her all over again, and I wake up miserable. They're never dreams of things that actually happened - those would be easier to deal with, I imagine. No, it's always something different. Sometimes we find each other again after years have gone by, and then she dies. Sometimes I do. Sometimes we're together and she leaves me for someone else. Sometimes she's moving away to somewhere I can't follow. My brain has cooked up a seemingly endless array of scenarios over the past eleven years, but the setting isn't the important thing anyway - it's the sense of loss I feel on waking, the one that follows me around like a cloud of Pigpen stink for the rest of the morning.

I absofuckinglutely hate it.

How do you get over something that, as far as you can tell when you're awake, you're already over? How do you make peace with something that your mind is telling you it's already made its peace with? Am I supposed to just deal with this for the rest of my life? I loved Stef with all my heart, but in all the years we were together the dreams of Mindi never stopped. So what happens when and if love finds me again? Do I tell the girl, and make her worry that I love a freakin' ghost from my past more than I do her - or keep it to myself and wake up regularly feeling not only miserable, but unfaithful to boot? How do you put something behind you when it's already there?

Grr. And sigh. I'm going to go kill some stuff until I feel better.

And to think I laughed at the State of the Union

2006-02-09T20:27:00.000-06:00

This, as anyone following the news knows by now, is one of the three fake "cartoons" that were being circulated by radical Muslims as part of their attempt to start some silly global jihad or something:

And yes, we all also know by now that this "cartoon" is actually a grainy re-presentation of an AP photo of a contestant in a French pig-calling contest (and oh, boy, are there a few hundred jokes lurking within that phrase). But I know I'm not the only one imagining W sitting in the White House going "See?!? I TOLD you those human-animal hybrids were going to cause trouble!"

Never lose sight of what's important

2006-02-07T21:22:00.000-06:00

Some people get it. Some people don't.

“I would stand in the door and not let this (product) go out if we were going to take away that joy from people. I have been known to throw my own at somebody. Yes, they will still be able to do that. You can count on that.” --Stan Osman, vice president of marketing at the Kansas City, Missouri-based Interstate Bakeries, when asked if the new whole wheat Wonder Bread measures up to the original Wonder Bread in its ability to be wadded up and thrown across the cafeteria at your best friend's head

This guy? He gets it.

Wookies don't live on Endor.

2006-02-07T00:15:00.000-06:00

So I'm at the bank this evening, getting some cash from the ATM because... well, because I needed it. Cash is good. The bank I use has one of those drive-up ATMs that are suddenly the norm (when did that happen, exactly?), so I pull my car in and roll down my window and do my thing. As as I'm sitting there stuffing my cash in my wallet and waiting for my receipt to print out, I happen to notice the braille dots. On the drive-up ATM.

Actually, that explains a lot about Tulsa drivers.

Now Reading: Stephen King's "Cell"

2006-02-04T23:14:00.000-06:00

(certified spoiler-free post)

Let me begin by saying that I love the Dark Tower books. In fact, the series has been my lunch hour reading material at the bookstore for some weeks now, and I'm about 300 pages from finishing my second trip through the entire series from beginning to end (the first one was when book 7 originally came out). I'm happy with the way it all ended, sad about what happened to some people along the way, and ecstatic about the forthcoming Marvel comic books. Roland of Gilead's tale is one of my favorite fantasy masterpieces ever, right up there with the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings and Tad Williams' Otherland.

That being said, sometimes I miss the old Stephen King, back when he used to actually write horror (many people still think of him as a horror novelist, but he's been a lot more eclectic than that for quite a while now) and when every book didn't tie into the Dark Tower in one way or another. So I've really been looking forward to Cell, which amazon has been billing for months as "Stephen King's triumphant, blood-spattered return to the genre that made him famous." I finally started it this morning - and Stevie, it's good to have ya back. He dives into his take on the zombie story with unrestrained glee, tossing aside his usual elaborate characterizations (although they're still there in part, you just pick them up on the fly instead of spending the first quarter of the book immersing yourself in them) for an in-your-face attack on the senses that starts not five pages in. I'm currently about a third of the way through it, and while it's no masterpiece of the horror genre, neither is every movie "Citizen Kane" - nor would you want them to be. Sometimes it's more fun to sit down with a big box of popcorn and watch "Armageddon." Or "Night of the Living Dead." ^_^

Home before dark!

2006-02-02T17:39:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I could say that. Of course, the fact that I've been working later than usual this week and thus left early today (and will again tomorrow) helps, but still. Getting home when there's still a sun up in the sky just makes the day seem a whole lot longer.

Speaking of natural phenomena, it was officially 70 degrees here in Tulsa this afternoon. Seventy degrees! On Groundhog Day! And of course, Punxsutawney Phil...

(isn't he just precious?)
...saw his shadow, so I still have six more weeks of this winter crap to put up with before spring finally gets here. I just don't know how I'm going to come to terms with that. (Global warming? No such thing. :op)

Lastly, I'd like to share a little tale that perfectly illustrates just what things are usually like when you work for my boss. He recently bought another warehouse - it actually used to be some sort of manufacturing plant or somesuch, but it's big and empty and we have a lot of stuff, so it's a warehouse now. The building's been sitting empty for a long time, and the previous tenants took pretty much everything out of it that they could when they left, so it's pretty dirty and needs all sorts of work - plumbing, electrical, new fences, possibly a resurfacing of the parking lot, etc, etc. And of course, he's diving into that without any sort of coherent plan whatsoever, it's just "get it all done as soon as possible" in his mind, so there have been multiple crews working in and around the place for the last couple of weeks (not to mention us, bringing loads of stuff from storage so he doesn't have to pay another month's rent on the storage unit we have). The crews that are there currently? A set of guys working on rewiring the place where necessary and another set of guys working on cleaning the entire place up with a power sprayer. Let me run that by you again - there are two crews out there at the moment. One of them is working with high-voltage electricity, and the other one is spraying water all over everywhere.

You gotta love it.

Oh, by the way...

2006-02-01T19:39:00.000-06:00

...I did a little playing with my profile. 50 bonus cool points to anyone who actually gets the new quote.

Smoke 'em if you can afford 'em

2006-02-01T18:50:00.000-06:00

With the way that taxes are spiralling out of control (and if anyone thinks that's going to change anytime soon, they're not thinking at all), it's now officially cheaper to smoke pot than it is to smoke cigarettes. This tells me two things - well, actually, it reinforces my belief in two things:

It's time for me to drop the ol' lung rocket habit once and for all. No big deal that it's nasty and it's unhealthy and it makes your teeth yellow and your mouth funky and your lungs fall out, but now it's cutting into my double cheeseburger budget. No, no, and no. I gots to have my beefy goodness.
The "War On Drugs?" It's over. We lost. (Well, not we, because I never enlisted to begin with.) Hey government! Quit the posturing and run up the white flag and just regulate the stuff already, so I can switch from Marlboro Lights to Marlboro Greens. It'll make dumping the cigs so much easier! C'mon, feds, do it for my health!

So!

2006-01-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

I'm back, and it's a new year - hell, almost a new month in that new year, where does the time go? - and it's time for a little reformatting. See, I'm not really happy with the direction this blog started to take, and that's a lot of the reason why I stayed away from it for so long. I spent too much time bitching (I'm turning into a helluva curmudgeon, by the look of some of my posts) and too little time actually saying anything worthwhile. When I was thinking about finally getting around to putting some of my thoughts about God and religion down on paper (so to speak), I was too busy making small talk. When I was thinking about sharing my impressions of movies that I'd seen or books that I'd read recently, I was too busy grousing about the government's "response" to Katrina. When I wanted to reminisce about moments or eras in my life, instead I'd wander in here and type out yet another bank menu. And so on. I complain and make small talk enough in meatspace, I don't need to be doing it on my blog all the time as well.

It's my own fault, of course - sometimes I get so involved in tangents that I end up losing sight of the actual path. Not just here in blogworld, either. I do it at work. I do it in relationships. I do it around the house. I do it with books I'm reading - start six of them at once and end up somehow not finishing any of them, you know? When I was young and used to get involved in eleventy-three things at the same time, my parents always wrote it off by saying "oh, he's just really smart, his mind needs to stay really active." Which may be the case to a certain extent, but it's also true that I have focus issues. A lot of the things that I want and *need* to do end up undone, or half-done, because I just sort of get distracted and wander away from them. "Oh, look! Sparkly thing!"

And you know, it really sucks to habitually lack focus. I've shorted myself in a lot of ways over the years because of it. Lost a couple of women that I truly loved. Walked away from a couple of jobs that could have led somewhere much bigger than where I am today. Let myself get distracted in college when I had everything going my way and a free ride to boot. Fell away from friendships with some really terrific people. The list, did I feel like sharing it in its entirety with the world, would probably be a pretty long one.

Well, enough of that shit. Sure, I could listen to all the old chestnuts about how "experience is the best teacher" and "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "everything happens for a reason," and maybe I could even convince myself that I believe them. But the more meaningful chestnut to me at this stage of my life is "you're not getting any younger." It's high time I started really taking that seriously.

(Of course, the thing about having a lack of focus and being smart enough to realize it is that by the time you're in your mid-thirties, you've probably also said all of this before but then failed to live up to your "commitment" to changing things. I guess there's room for one last chestnut - time will tell.)

yummy yummy

2005-12-25T14:30:00.000-06:00

Without further ado, a quick rundown of the bank food - I'd share a couple of pics as well, but I'm not sure how the bank would feel about that if I did, so I suppose I'll just say that if you know me and want to see some you can drop me a line:

2 hot buffet lines consisting of:
- Duck spring rolls
- Bacon-wrapped scallops
- Spicy meat empanadas
- Phyllo cups filled with prosciutto, chicken, and boursin cheese
- Lamb chops with rosemary demiglace
- Carving station serving beef tenderloin and ham

1 giant ice carving surrounded by cold boiled shrimp, cocktail sauce, and lemons.

1 cold table piked high with an enormous variety of fresh fruits, cheeses, vegetables, crackers, and dips.

1 crabcake station pan-frying crabcakes basically to order and serving them with a roasted red pepper aioli.

1 lobster fritter station deep-frying lobster fritters (rather like hush puppies but with diced lobster meat inside) the same way and serving them with a tequila-lime aioli. Also a platter of smoked salmon with all the traditional accompaniments.

1 Chinese dumpling station steaming pork and shrimp dumplings, again to order. (The dumplings rawked, and I'm not saying that just because I made the filling myself. They were total yum.) Also a huge platter of a surprisingly decent pork pate.

1 sushi bar serving up the reeeeeeeeeeeally good stuff. I so wish I hadn't been working and could have hung out there all night eating free sushi. A local place called "In the Raw" took care of this part of it for us, and if you're ever in Tulsa I seriously recommend you give them a try.

1 dessert table piled high with lemon squares, pecan squares, bourbon balls, and assorted other deliciousness.

1 truffle station hand-rolling truffle centers (white chocolate, Grand Marnier, or espresso) in any of five different coatings (crushed peanut, crushed macadamia, crushed gingersnap with added ginger, powdered sugar, or a spicy cayenne cinnamon sugar).

Beer and wine and liquor! Oh my!

Good times, good times. I don't miss cooking as a full-time job, because the hours are suck and it's high-stress and working in kitchens comes to dominate your whole life. I do miss it in other ways, though, and I'm so glad that I have the bank to scratch that itch. It's really the perfect second job - the food is great, the company is even better, and we always have a really good time whether we're serving 20 people or 720. Marcus and Ling are a couple of great cooks and it's always great to share a kitchen with them, all of the girls on the floor are really cool to work with, and the bartenders are fun people who mix the strongest drinks you've ever had. And there's just an indescribably great feeling that comes from busting your ass for two weeks straight and pulling it off without a hitch to rave reviews. Ah, the world of food.

Christmas at the bank

2005-12-13T21:40:00.000-06:00

Whee! We've rolled egg rolls and trimmed lamb racks and made crab cakes and seasoned tenderloins and folded Chinese dumplings and trimmed and studded hams and made lobster fritter batter and ordered truffles and boiled shrimp and made sauces and stocked the bars and cut fruit and cheese and veggies and and and... tomorrow and Thursday the parties hit, Friday morning we work a short shift and do the Xmas thing and so on, and then I get my life back. Awesome. Although it's not like I mind, because the bank people are a lot of fun and high-pressure high-volume cooking is also a lot of fun, so we really do have a great time with it.

I'll post a full "menu" for those of you who're interested in this kinda stuff Friday night or Saturday, after I get some sleep. ^_^

Jesus was a fish

2005-11-26T15:37:00.000-06:00

Since Stef got married and got all of her stuff out of the storage unit that we'd been sharing since I moved back to Tulsa, I've been paying too much rent on a somewhat overpriced storage unit that was larger than I really needed (as well as being kinda out of my way). So last week I went to the storage place that we generally use at the bookstore and rented a plain ol' 5x10 unit that's less than half the price of the 5x15 that I was in. That's good. We like to save money. Especially with Christmas approaching, although it's not like I have a ton of people to buy for anyway.

Anyway, as I was leaving this place I noticed for the first time (and I've been there at least a dozen times in the last few months on bookstore business, so you can tell how much attention I pay to things when I'm in the Gardner's zone) that they have a Jesus fish on their big sign out front.

As an aside, would you like to know the history of the Jesus fish (or ichthus, if you prefer)? Sure you would. See, if you read the gospels, there's a lot of fishiness to Jesus to begin with... and no, I don't mean that in a smarmy way. Not in this post, anyway. I'm still working my way up to the God Rants. But there was the miracle with the loaves and fishes. There was Jesus telling the disciples which side of the boats to cast their nets on and a subsequent miraculous fish haul. There was the "I will make you fishers of men" deal. And it was foretold that just as Jonah spent three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, Jesus would spend three days and three nights in the heart of the earth before returning from the dead (although that's not what ended up "happening," but no, there's no inconsistencies in the Bible). The early Christians latched onto the fish as a sort of symbol for their religion, and during the days when Christians were persecuted for their faith, the use of this fish symbol really took hold. If a Christian met a stranger on the street and wanted to find out if the person he was speaking with shared his faith, he would surreptitiously draw an arcing line in the dust/sand/dirt with the toe of his sandal (half of the fish). If the other person was a Christian, he would then also toe out an arc and complete the fish, and the two of them could go their merry way talking about Jesus without fear of being reported to the authorities or whatnot. Fish and the fish symbol became so central to Christianity that early Christians were in fact often called "Pisciculi," a word whose root is the Latin word "fish."

So there you have it. Just a little something to let you know that I'm not anti-God/anti-religion just because I'm uneducated about the whole thing. ^_^

Where was I? Right, the fish on the business sign. This really annoys me, and not just because I don't share the Christian faith. The way I see it, there are really only three reasons why a business would do this, none of which are exceptionally valid:

The owner of the business is proud of his or her faith. This is the least problematic reason to me, although I don't believe personally that things like this have any place in a business. Would you plaster your kids on your sign if you were proud of them? Of course not, that's too personal. Your personal life and your business life are two different things, and your faith belongs on the personal side of that equation.
The owner of the business wants to show that he/she is a Christian because this somehow implies that he/she is more trustworthy or less likely to do you wrong or whatnot. Which is crap. I've seen a ton of shitty things done in the name of God over the course of my lifetime, both to me and as an observor - and let's not get started on what I've read in the history books. Hypocrisy, as it always has, abounds. And it's not like you have to take a test or get a license to use the fish or anything anyway, so what's stopping your friendly neighborhood devil worshipper from slapping a fish up there to try and increase his business? Nothing. In this context, then, it becomes meaningless.
The owner of the business is knowingly catering to those people - and there are plenty of them out there, probably especially so here in the Bible Belt - who "would prefer to give their money and/or business to a Christian if they have the choice." Replace "Christian" with "white person" in that sentence and that should tell you all you need to know about the bigotry behind this idea. Religious discrimination isn't just discriminating against people who are religious, it's also discriminating against people who aren't. It's just another -ism in the end, and it's just as disgusting as the rest of them.

So did I, as a studious little atheist, go back inside and ask for my money back? Well, no, because I was late for work. Heh. Seriously - it's not like I'm not going to pull out of that storage unit and find a different one that doesn't wear God on its sleeve. I'm not that uptight about all of this - and besides, then I'd be the one with the -ism. (Godism?) I'll just gripe about it here instead.

I miss the good old days

2005-11-17T20:15:00.000-06:00

...when I could still convince myself that "Smallville" was a quality show (or at least had the potential to truly be great). Now it's just this crappy WB mess that I enjoy anyway because I'm a superhero geek. Which is fine, I suppose. These days my focus lies with "Lost" anyhow.

What's new, campers? Not much here. I spent the last four days laid up with the flu (I sure get sick an awful lot lately), so that's fun. I'm somewhat scared to head up to my room - since today was my first day out of the house since Saturday, I'm afraid that all the fresh air will now allow me to fully experience the wonderful aromas of stale sweat and vomit. Ew. I sense that a "spring cleaning in November" sort of weekend is in order for the upstairs.

Here's my quandary of the week: should I celebrate/observe Thanksgiving? I mean, I don't have any family down here, nor do I have the time to head up north again at the moment (let alone the cash flow after all the work I've missed due to drama and illness in the last couple of months). I don't have a girlfriend since I pretty much gave up on ever finding anyone decent, especially here in the Bible Belt. Most of the people that I consider to truly be friends are scattered around the nation. I do have a roommate who happens to also be my best friend, but he has to work that day so it's not like we could spend all afternoon and evening watching football, acting goofy, and gorging ourselves on turkey and all the trimmings. However, I do love to cook, and it's been a while since I went all out and made a big spread - lately it's been more like a big vat of chili, or a couple of giant Dagwood sandwiches, or a big vat of chicken and egg noodles, or a couple of steaks on the grill. And there's also the appeal of the leftover turkey sandwich... and delicious freshly baked pies... I just don't know. If you're reading this and have an opinion, feel free to weigh in on the matter.

OK, that's about enough uprightness for me for one day. Time to go lay down.

Long time no see

2005-11-05T17:33:00.000-06:00

*shamefaced look*

I'd like to say that I have a great excuse for being away for so long, and while I did have a few dramatic issues that kept me from this blog for a while there, it lasted much longer than it should have in the end because once everything got back on an even keel I basically got lazy. That's so not cool. I'm such a nerd.

Let's see, what should I do with my time on here this afternoon? I have read quite a few good books lately, so I think I'll share some recs:

I'm not exactly sure why it took me so long to get around to reading Christopher Moore. People have recommended him to me many a time over the years, but for some reason I just didn't feel that much of an urge to seek his stuff out. Well, a couple of months ago while shelving some hardcover fic at work I ran across a copy of "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal," and I was instantly hooked. So far I've worked my way through that, "Practical Demonkeeping," "The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror," "Island of the Sequined Love Nun," and "Bloodsucking Fiends," and there hasn't been a bad one in the lot. "Coyote Blue," I think, is next on the list.
If you've got a taste for the samurai/shogun/feudal era of Japanese history, put down your copy of "Shogun" and go pick up a copy of Takashi Matsuoka's "Cloud of Sparrows" instead. It can be difficult to find novels about Japan by people who actually know Japan (at least here in Tulsa, Oklahoma), but no such problems here. It is a first novel, and Matsuoka does fall victim to a number of the usual first novel errors, but the grittily realistic tale is such a page-turner that those flaws are easily overlooked. It's no "Musashi," but very few books are, and I suspect that Matsuoka's going to keep getting better. If you live here in T-town and have a copy of his next book, "Autumn Bridge," feel free to bring it in to the bookstore and sell it.
Marilynne Robinson's "Gilead: A Novel." Wow. Simply profound - and I mean that both in the sense of "in a word, profoud" and "profound in its simplicity." It's not my usual fare by any means, but I picked it up on a whim and just couldn't put it down. If you've ever been a parent or a child, you truly owe it to yourself to check this book out.

Next up: "Chindi" and "Omega" by Jack McDevitt. Rawk.

grr. and stuff.

2005-09-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

When I've not been running hither and yon, I've been an insatiable news junkie since the weekend right before Katrina hit, and the more I learn the more I wonder just how this administration manages to function at all. That's honestly not an overstatement. I'm at the point where I have no idea how anything is getting done these days.

And I'm not just talking about Katrina and her aftereffects, although the federal response and the FEMA efforts and Brown and the FEMA leadership and the local/state/federal coordination and the GOP's unanimous vote in the Senate against an independent committee to investigate matters and the rampant financial cronyism evident in Iraq being destined to repeat itself as Bush and the Republicans throw money at this hand over fist in an effort to "take responsibility" and make up for what happened (as if anything ever could) ought to be enough to make any sane person furious.

(OK, so that was a long and semi-convoluted sentence. Sorry.)

I'm talking about the way that Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney (who sits on a federal Homeland Security advisory council and is considering a run for the presidency in 2008) apparently wants us to randomly wiretap mosques and conduct surveilance on/track foreign students. I'm talking about the way that House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is apparently completely delusional, considering the ridiculous things he's saying about the budget. I'm talking about the way that John Roberts slid through his hearings without really saying anything at all (and I actually kinda like the guy, but that doesn't change the fact that nobody learned anything about him this week). I'm talking about the evolution/intelligent design silliness going on in Kansas. I'm talking about Dubya having the gall to go before the UN and scold them for a) squandering the world's respect and b) making a mockery of human rights, even though that's exactly what he did with a) Iraq and b) Katrina. I'm talking about the way that almost everything in Iraq seems to just keep on getting messier even though we supposedly "won" many moons ago. And on and on and on, round and round it goes and where it stops nobody knows.

I know I'm a cynic, but damn. You look around and you see mess after mess after mess and you have to wonder just how things went so horribly wrong and why there aren't more people asking more questions. *sigh*

ION, the Cubs still suck. And the Bears still suck. And the Hawks really let me down last weekend. Aren't I just the world's cheeriest person? Well, neener neener, because there is good news - and no, I'm not saving a bunch of money on my car insurance. Season one of Lost should be here tomorrow or Saturday. I'm kicking some Kingdom Hearts butt and reading one of the craziest trilogies ever (and I'm sure I'll say more about it here when I've finished it all, so I'll just leave it until then to talk about). The volunteer stuff I've been doing has been really cool and I've met some interesting people. Work is good. The apartment is cool. I love my new computer. The weather got rainy and coolish. Aside from the big picture, things are pretty alright. Thanks for asking.

Wait, you're giving it to who?

2005-09-08T20:54:00.000-05:00

So today the Senate approved almost $52 billion in additional funding for the relief efforts. Excellent. How mighty white of them. What I just don't understand is how after the catastrophic failures of the last 10 days, $50 billion of that can be earmarked for FEMA. What the hell? Who wrote this measure? Even if we were to completely ignore FEMA's abyssmal efforts in caring for the people affected by Katrina and the complete lack of disaster relief experience at the highest levels of FEMA, there's still the fact that they're an *emergency management* agency. It's right there in the name, right? They're not a recovery and reconstruction agency. They're not organized for it and it's not their job. And considering how poorly they did their job, I certainly don't see any reason to hand them another one - let alone fifty billion freakin' dollars. Washington is just a whole 'nother planet to me.

The last nail in Michael Brown's coffin...

2005-09-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

...thank goodness.

FEMA Chief Waited Until After Storm Hit

"...waited until hours after Hurricane Katrina had already struck the Gulf Coast before asking his boss to dispatch 1,000 Homeland Security employees to the region - and gave them two days to arrive..."
OK, look, discounting the flooding in New Orleans, which we all know didn't become the issue it ultimately became until later on: Hundreds of square miles in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama were (and still are) tore the fuck up. But hey, no hurry, guys.

"Brown said that among duties of these employees was to 'convey a positive image' about the government's response for victims."
Looks like that training didn't take.

"Brown's memo to Chertoff described Katrina as 'this near catastrophic event' but otherwise lacked any urgent language. The memo politely ended, 'Thank you for your consideration in helping us to meet our responsibilities."
"Near" catastrophic? I repeat: tore the fuck up.

It's been obvious for days now that he was going to become the fall guy on this - I think what probably sealed his fate was his admission live on CNN last Thursday night that FEMA didn't even know about the convention center and the situation there until that day. (And then the next morning he was claiming that FEMA had been providing the people at said convention center with "one, if not two, meals a day." Whatever.) My worry here is that he becomes the only fall guy when it's clear to everyone with a functioning brain cell that this was a titanic screwup on a number of levels. And I don't have too much faith in the so-called "inquiry" that Bush plans to lead - it's like letting Barry Bonds run MLB's steroids investigation.

And the White House can talk all it wants about focusing on the disaster now and playing the "blame game" later, but you know what? That doesn't wash with me. In case you haven't noticed, it's still hurricane season. Do you want these people in charge of things when the next storm hits? Me neither.

Oh, that wild and wacky Bush family...

2005-09-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

Barbara Bush on NPR's "Marketplace" about the refugees in Houston's Astrodome:

"What I'm hearing - which is sort of scary - is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this is... this is working (chuckle) very well for them."

Linkie to the "Marketplace" audio. It's roughly a minute into the clip, if'n you wanna know. And instead of ranting, I'll just allow you to come to your own conclusions about a) the chuckle, b) the "which is sort of scary" line that she threw in there, and c) how intelligent it is to say that what happened in New Orleans last week was "working very well" for people who have basically lost their entire lives.

Good news!

2005-09-02T18:48:00.000-05:00

The Red Cross just got back in touch with me, and I have my first disaster relief "class" on Thursday night. Apparently it was decided today that 2,000 refugees from Katrina will be coming to Camp Gruber (which is near Muskogee, OK, roughly 45 minutes or so away), and that number may go as high as 5,000 as more accurate need assessments are made. The woman I spoke with asked if I would have any problems with going back and forth to Camp Gruber, and when I told her no she as much as guaranteed me that they'd be using me there as soon as they could get me into the system, both for single shifts working around my regular job(s) as well as weekends.

There's also a local church that is organizing a convoy of trucks full of food, water and clothing to leave town on Monday morning, but I'm still waiting for the man in charge of it to return my call. I'm not sure whether it's just a straight up in and out delivery mission, or something that is going to be more time-consuming because they plan on staying and pitching in. An hour ago, it wouldn't have mattered to me, but now I'll just have to see. I may still find myself a part of that as well, but if there's a conflict then the Red Cross takes immediate precedence due to the fact that they're an organization that I'd really like to become a permanent part of.

Hurray! It's so nice to know that I'll finally be able to do more soon.

Bush calls relief efforts "unacceptable"

2005-09-02T17:56:00.000-05:00

Well, let's see here. When I go to a restaurant and have an "unacceptable" experience, do I take it all out on the server, who was only responsible for a part of my evening? The cook, who also only holds partial responsibility? The busboy? The hostess? The bartender? No. I call out the manager, who is ostensibly overseeing all of these various stations, and direct my questions/complaints to him. Or her. Whatever.

Anyway. The same holds true pretty much across the board - if you want to complain, you do it to the person(s) in charge. So if Shrub has any complaints about the federal government's response to Katrina, I would suggest that he direct those complaints to the person in charge of the federal government, because that's who ultimately has to answer for this mess.

Oh, wait.

Oh, one more thing

2005-09-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

Why are we still trying to repair the levees in New Orleans?

I mean, didn't the flooding level out with the lake yesterday? So there's no more water coming in. And we've all heard the plans for draining the city - knock down some other levees, let some water drain, try to get it down to the level where they can repair the pumps, get them going, and pump the rest out. That's a time-consuming process. So the water already there is going to be there for a long time, whether those levees are repaired tomorrow or two weeks from now. Nothing these engineers can do to those levees right now is going to make a difference in the evacuation efforts.

And let's get this straight, people - the buildings that are flooded in the city are toast. Period. I know what floodwaters can do to structures in even a short amount of time. I know that even if the levees were plugged right this minute, pretty much every flooded building in New Orleans is going to be riddled with mold and weakness once the floodwaters are gone. And it's not exactly the world's cleanest water to begin with, so you're not just talking about regular flood damage here. There are also a ton of disease and chemical considerations. A lot of people are going to be very surprised by how few of those buildings are going to be salvageable. Nothing those engineers can do to those levees right now is going to change that, either.

So I say again, why are they taking the time right now to attempt levee repair? Wouldn't all the people involved in that effort (and their vehicles and copters) be of more use over the next few days, oh, I don't know, SAVING FUCKING LIVES?!?

Well, it took three days...

2005-09-01T22:42:00.000-05:00

...but the Washington bozos are finally getting around to turning the mess down south into yet another political game. You know, I love my country. But my government disgusts me.

Speaking of disgust: some reporter or other on CNN said tonight that "tragedy brings out the best in a lot of us. Unfortunately, it brings out the worst in others." To wit, here are some random things I've heard in the last 12 hours that have just made me want to scream.

- a customer at the bookstore who said we should just leave everyone left in New Orleans there, because "they're all poor and black anyway, why do we want to save them?"
- two separate government officials on TV who were trying to downplay the health risks in New Orleans by claiming that "dead bodies really don't provide any sort of health hazards."
- a caller to a news talk radio program wishing that Louisiana had elected "a governor with cojones" and professing disgust with the fact that she's been rather emotional at times this week, "but what can you expect? She's a woman and they're all emotional wrecks."
- the host of said program agreeing with that caller, and then later in the show stating that his listeners should only send donations into Christian charity organizations because "that way you can be sure that your donation isn't just going to get embezzled and used to buy someone another Corvette." I'm not even going to get into how many different levels that pissed me off on.

Why was I listening to right wing talk radio? Well, you move to Tulsa and try to find a news radio station not run by extremist Republican religious nuts.

They weren't ready for this.

2005-08-31T23:47:00.000-05:00

They weren't. They spent all weekend talking about how they've feared "The Big One" for years, but you know what? They truly weren't prepared for it when it hit. There's no other explanation for the chaos we're seeing on television. It's taking too long to get help in to these people, it's taking too long to get these people out, and nobody seems to really know exactly what's going on. Have they started sandbagging or not? Nobody knows. How long is it really going to take to evacuate New Orleans? Nobody knows. And on and on.

Not that I don't admire the effort underway, because I know it's an organizational nightmare. I know that people in New Orleans have hampered efforts somewhat with their descent into savagery. I know that roads are out and cell towers are out and phones are out and power is out. I know that none of us have ever seen a natural disaster like this in America. But still. After watching the last few days unfold, you can't tell me that anyone is following any sort of well-drawn out plan. It's infuriating.

On a more personal front, after seeing "Volunteers should not report directly to the affected areas unless directed by a voluntary agency. Self-dispatched volunteers can put themselves and others in harm’s way and hamper rescue efforts" on the FEMA website, I decided that getting into my truck and heading down there was probably not the way to go. I know that I could get there and easily find somewhere to fit in - there are thousands and thousands of people who need any kind of help they can get - but it's better to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Especially when I'm already grumbling about the lack of organization down there. So I filled out an application at the Salvation Army website and made it very clear that I would like to go south if I could, although I'll help with their efforts in any way that I can, and I got a preliminary email in response and am supposed to get a call from someone in the next few days. I'm also visiting the local chapter of the Red Cross tomorrow to talk to someone there about any opportunities they may have, both here and in the affected areas.

I guess the first one to claim me gets me, at least for this disaster. Beyond that, I'll have time to sit down and make a decision about what volunteer organization fits me best. Because I don't want this to be something I do once and then walk away from. It's time that I grew up a little bit more and did something meaningful and worthwhile with at least part of my life, you know?

Big Trouble in the Big Easy, pt. 2

2005-08-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the one million-plus people who are currently homeless. Maybe it's the thought of the dead bodies floating through the streets of New Orleans being pushed aside as rescue workers race against time to try and save the survivors stuck in buildings and on rooftops. Maybe it's the way southern Mississippi got sucker-punched to a degree while the news media and most of the public focused on New Orleans. Maybe it's the horrifying pictures coming out of Gulfport, or the death toll that is certainly going to end up being a lot higher than anyone is letting on at this point, or the thought of the rising floodwaters in a city that thought the worst had passed... like I said, I just don't know. But something about Katrina has connected with me in a way that no disaster ever has before, not even 9/11.

(I suppose that merits clarification. Yes, I was horrified by 9/11, and I was glued to my TV for as much coverage as I could stand, and I went to bed every night for weeks with those horrifying pictures etched onto my brain, and I still get emotional when I let myself truly stop and think about it. But everyone felt that way about 9/11, you know? Not everyone feels that way about Katrina. We're all horrified, but there are a lot of folks out there who are just sort of horrified in passing. "Yeah, it's a terrible thing," these people say, "such a shame. So, did you see the game this weekend?" And here I am, knowing nobody in the affected areas, having no ties whatsoever to that part of the country, and I can't get the damn thing out of my head.)

We went to the store to get bottled water for the bookstore this afternoon, and I couldn't help but think about the hundreds of thousands of people down south who have no fresh water except what's being frantically brought in to them. I sat down for my lunch with a Subway sandwich, and I couldn't even finish the thing when I thought about all the people living on MREs and donated goods - if they're even getting that yet. I came home to my nice air-conditioned apartment and it made me almost sick to my stomach imagining those people down in the steamy bayous without electricity - let alone AC. Don't even get me started on my possessions, and how looking at my "prized" DVD/comic book/book collections makes me want to just sit down and cry because I can't help but think of all the people who have lost absolutely everything but their lives and the clothes on their backs.

Since Sunday evening, I've been about an eyelash away from loading up my car with some camping gear and rapidly gathered donations from friends like water and clothing and then heading south to try and lend a hand wherever I can. And that's not me. I'm a selfish person, really. They say that you should know your faults, and I know that's one of mine. But something about Katrina has (at least temporarily) pounded that part of me into submission, and I just can't stop thinking about how badly I want to help. Donating some money online to the Red Cross efforts earlier today didn't even make a dent in it. I know that I could call the Tulsa chapter and get involved with answering phones (which I know are swamped) or coordinating efforts to gather and send off the items like water and clothing that people are donating locally, but even that doesn't seem like enough. I have this almost overpowering desire to go, to use my mind and muscle wherever they need it the most down there, to look the people that I'm helping in the eye instead of doing it anonymously from 600 miles away.

Sigh. Such a horrible tragedy.

Big Trouble in the Big Easy

2005-08-28T12:28:00.000-05:00

It's strange to think that by this time tomorrow, there may (for all intents and purposes) no longer be a city of New Orleans. I know the city went through all of this all last fall with Ivan, but at this point all of the meteorologists' "best-case scenarios" for Katrina are uglier than the "worst-case" ones that were associated with Ivan. It's bound to happen sooner or later, based on the geography of the city, but I didn't really think that it would be this weekend...

Between that and all the reading I've been doing in the last few days on the worrisome Avian Flu outbreaks in Asia (not to mention the monumental upheavals to be found in the last couple of hundred pages of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, although comparing that to real-world potential disasters is rather silly), I'm having rather a disastrous weekend. Not that it's been a bad one - it hasn't at all - it's just had more than its share of gloom and doom. I need to find something happy and cheerful to occupy myself for a while this afternoon.

Finally

2005-08-24T00:17:00.000-05:00

After numerous random delays and an eventual decision to reread books four and five first (which I'm glad I did, because I had forgotten all sorts of stuff that happened, particularly in book five), I'm about ten minutes from heading upstairs to dive into Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Yeah, I know, I can't believe it took me this long either. All I can say is that it's been one odd and exhausting summer.

So. Yay new (to me) Harry Potter-ness!

And if Snape's not the HBP, I'll eat my hat. It's time for Rowling to tell his story, and there's no way she's nuts enough to try and cram it into book seven. *nod*

Bye!

Oh yeah, and...

2005-08-18T23:19:00.000-05:00

The Ben Folds/Ben Lee/Rufus Wainwright show was seriously cool. Ben Folds did a cover of "Bitches Ain't Shit!" Nice. However, none of them rocked nearly as hard or as loud as Green Day did. My stuff is still ringing from that one. Good times.

I caught you a delicious bass.

2005-08-18T23:09:00.000-05:00

That doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of this mishmash. It's just a fun movie and it came to mind when I was casting about for what to say up there. That's how it goes sometimes.
The heat finally broke for about four days, during which it rained about 80% of the time (and there was much rejoicing), but then the rain broke for more heat, and that's a serious pain because four days was just long enough for me to not be used to the daily 100-degree temperatures anymore, so now I'm all whiny and stuff about it again.
Speaking of weather, we're going camping next weekend, so Mother Nature better have things all sorted by then or there's gonna be hell to pay. Yeah, you heard me, Mother Nature. Get your shit straight, you insane sadistic freaky crazy woman. *menacing glower*
heh.
Apostrophes are used: 1) before an "s" to indicate possession in singular nouns, such as "the dog's toy" or "his father's golf clubs." Pronouns such as ours, theirs, hers, etc. do not require apostrophes, and the word "it" is a pronoun, and so the *possessive* form of "it" is "its", as in "put it in its place." This is totally important, people. 2) before an "s" to indicate possession in plural nouns that do not end in "s," like "the men's room" and "the children's tears." 3) after the "s" to indicate possession in plural nouns ending in "s," as in "the companies' ad campaigns" or "the Cubs' slim chances." 4) to indicate a missing letter in contractions or colloquialisms, such as "can't" for "can not" or "it's" for "it has/it is" or "y'all better be learnin' these rules real good." APOSTROPHES ARE NOT USED TO PLURALIZE WORDS! That's goddamn right.
Washington and Philly split a double-header, and San Diego, the Mets, the Braves, the Astros, and the Boobirds all lost. Excellent. However, we must pause to curse those stupid Brewers and Fish. But there's forty or so games left, a full quarter of the season, so anything can still happen, right? Keep hope alive.
Outlaw Golf 2: Kinda goofy, kinda sexy in a cartoony way that probably impresses 13-year olds somewhat more than it does me, not a bad golf game (actually a surprisingly respectable one), rather amusing, and less than 10 dollars used so not a bad buy as far as a time-killer goes. But they gotta do something about some of these load times. Wow. If I had wanted to take a nap, I wouldn't have turned on the PS2.
Twice at the bank this week. Tonight was one of those Regency parties with all the old folks and the kid playing piano, so I don't have a lunch menu yet, oh Tank Girl (and I apologize again for not taking your call this afternoon, frizzum frazzum "unknown" caller ID). I'll snatch one during lunch tomorrow and then blog ya the lowdown on what flavor of hash we're slinging these days. ^_^

Now with Bonus Movie Review!

Reptilicus: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's a rubber monster on a stick! Wait, it's a marionette! Wait, it's both! Eating a paper cutout of a farmer! In Copenhagen! With Danish Chamber of Commerce stock footage that has nothing to do with anything! Pricelessly awesomely spectacularific. Serious rating - half of a popcorn box out of five. Rating if you're watching it with a good friend (or friends) and you appreciate crazy-bad movies and it's late and you left sober somewhere behind you at some point in the evening - approximately seven hundred popcorn boxes out of five. Truly one of the rarest of gems.

woof

2005-08-11T19:59:00.000-05:00

I want a dog. I absolutely need another cute/handsome furry thing to hang out with. I could get one, too, financially and apartmentally and so on, but the thing I hang up on is my roomie's kids. I mean, I know there are plenty of great dogs just hanging out in shelters needing to be saved, but I really want a puppy again. And I'm not sure about how that would all work out, having to housebreak and train a new little furball with a couple of rambunctious toddlers visiting for a couple-few days every other week. Would they get along with the dog? Would the dog get along with them? What if one of the kiddoes ends up being allergic? Yadda yadda yadda. Right now it's not an urgent need - although it's slowly getting stronger - so I guess we'll just have to see what we see. *shrug*

And in completely unrelated news, it's always nice to do that to the Cards no matter how much the Cubs may suck. w00t.

July 6, 1976

2005-08-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds of us of all that once was good - and that could be again."
-James Earl Jones as Terence Mann in "Field of Dreams"

I was a precocious four and a half years old and I was in Chicago for the first time with my parents. We'd flown up there for the festivities surrounding the bicentennial celebration and then stayed for a number of days while my parents took me to all the places they thought I'd love (I was so spoiled back in those days). Great America. The Museum of Natural History. The Museum of Science and Industry. The Sears Tower. Shedd Aquarium. All of these places played a large role in kickstarting my love affair with the Windy City, but none of them so much as Wrigley Field.

How can I describe that first day at the ballpark? Riding an elevated train full of diehard fans in full regalia to Wrigleyville and letting the throng carry us through the gates as surely and smoothly as a river's current carries a boat downstream? That first sight of the field, of the beautiful old scoreboard, of the lush green ivy blanketing the unforgving bricks of the outfield walls with illusory softness? The first juicy bite of a ballpark hotdog, the smell of the still-warm peanuts as my dad tore into the bag that the vendor had casually tossed our way? The first mad scramble for a foul ball? Hanging over the rails before gametime hoping and praying that a player would come my way and sign my first autograph? There are no words for these memories. But I'll treasure them always.

Steve Stone was on the mound for the Cubs, and to this day whenever I hear his voice it takes me back to the most perfect summer day I've ever experienced. It kills me that he and the Cubs split last year under such ugly circumstances - and don't tell me how baseball is a business, either, because I know it is. The problem is that sometimes these businessmen forget that it's so much more than that. After Stoney left the game, Bruce Sutter stepped in and cruised the rest of the way. Bill Madlock (who went on that year to win the National League batting title) had a two-run double early and the Cubs, wonder of wonders, actually won one for me that day. It was a 4-0 shutout, it was absolutely glorious, and I was completely hooked.

Things haven't gone so well for my Cubbies since then. They've come close a few times (oh, did 1984 break my heart - and if I thought 1984 was as bad as it could get, did 2003 ever prove me wrong) but, in the end, have always fallen short. I still haven't given up on them, though, and I never will. Someday they'll cast off that abhorrible "Lovable Losers" nametag and stun the world, and I'll find a way to be right there in the heart of it, cheering for my heroes. And later that night - or more likely, sometime the next morning - I'll be locked in my hotel room crying my damnfool eyes out. ^_^

Hey! And other stuff.

2005-08-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

The "hey!":

Tom Welling's in the remake of "The Fog!" Cool. (I've totally lost my Smallville focus, although I still do truly love the show. A couple of years back, I'd have known about this within a day or two of him signing on. But that's what happens when they mix a few too many craptacular episodes in with the good ones.)

The other stuff:

Working nine doubles in twelve days isn't as easy as it used to be. I'm soooooooo not 18 anymore. Sigh. But two days from now it'll be over and I can hopefully get back to sleeping a little more than 4-5 hours a night. Of course, the kiddos will be down this weekend, so I don't know if I can bet on too much sleep until Sunday night... ah well, it'll all be worth it when I buy that shiny new laptop I've been craving.
The bank finally noticed that they were promoting drug use and changed their sign (Tuesday during the day sometime, for those of you keeping score). How unfun of them.
I'm either seeing "The Dukes of Hazzard" or "March of the Penguins" this weekend. At this point, I just can't decide. I really had no plans to see TDoH at least until it came to DVD (and I wasna even sure about that), but then today I saw a bunch of clips from it and it actually looks funny as hell. Who knew? I've still gotta catch "Wedding Crashers," too, because Vince and Owen are two funny freakin' dudes.
The Cubs are pissing me off. Yeah, big shock there. Is it too much to ask that they pull it all together someday? (Apparently so.)
Just over a month until season one of Lost is out on DVD! *insert happy dance here* And then Smallville season four comes out a week later. Guess we know what I'm doing for a good part of September.

I'm tired, and most of this probably isn't all that interesting to anyone other than me, so gnite.

More language silliness

2005-08-01T20:33:00.000-05:00

MSNBC says that "babies born at night are at least 12 percent more likely to die, according to a new U.S. study."

Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't all babies have a 100% chance of dying? And yes, I read the article, and yes, I saw that it went on to more clearly define what this study said (in case you dinna follow the linkie, I'll tell you that these babies have a 12-16% higher rate of "neonatal mortality," which means death within 28 days of birth). But still. A vague opening statement like this is completely ridiculous coming from a professional writer/reporter. I swear, at the present rate of decline, in a couple of hundred years (if that) everyone in this country is going to speak and write like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. Some folk'll never lose a toe, and then again some folk'll...

ION, the bank is still offering free gifts to people who get their friends high. Snicker.

Hey, that's illegal

2005-07-31T13:27:00.000-05:00

Sign seen on a bank board this morning as I ventured forth hunting donuts:

"REEFER A FRIEND AND GET A FREE GIFT"

Let's just see how long it takes them to change it...

Genius.

2005-07-25T22:34:00.000-05:00

"CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) - With the countdown entering its final hours and a fuel gauge problem still unexplained, NASA said it is prepared to bend its long-standing safety rules to launch the shuttle Tuesday on the first flight since Columbia's doomed mission 2 1/2 years ago."

Most people who might be reading this blog have probably heard me go off on at least one anti-NASA rant over the years, so I'll refrain from launching into another one. Just imagine it in your heads if you really want to hear it. I don't care how much they downplay the risk factors. I don't even care if it truly *is* an infinitessimal risk. NASA's methods of approaching space flight are almost as outdated as the shuttle fleet itself and it's way past time for some serious restructuring of this country's space methodology.

The Amityville... moth?

2005-07-25T22:13:00.000-05:00

I think we have a ghost moth. No, seriously. For the last month or so it seems like every time I open the front door of the apartment after dark, a moth flies in. Instantly. And it's always in the same place when I open the door. And it always flies in on the same path. Weird.

But then there's never a moth in the apartment! No moths fluttering around the lights, no moths in the closets, no moths found dead and crunchy on a bookshelf or starved and weak on the bathroom counter. Nothing zero zip. I honestly can't say that I've ever seen a moth in here since moving in four months ago. Weirder.

So I was noticing this a couple of weeks ago and vaguely wondering if I was going crazy or just hallucinating or what. But then when Gary was leaving for work last night, he opened the door and instantly said "stupid moth!" And I was like "hey, waitaminnit, moth?" And he proceeded to tell me that he swears that every time he opens the door at night, a moth flies in, and that it almost seems like the same moth doing it over and over. And so I came over and said "does it fly in right here?" and sketched out the little flight path, and he was all "how'd you know that?" Weirdest.

Maybe the Moth Gods are angry at me because I've been insisting for years that Mothra is the biggest pussy of a monster ever invented, and in retaliation they sent the Scary Moth Ghost to lay some bad juju on me. Well, you know what, Moth Gods? Mothra still sucks.

omg hot.

2005-07-22T17:50:00.000-05:00

Ever work in a non-climate controlled room when the heat index is 110+? I can't say that I'd recommend it.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

I've got dreams, dreams to remember

2005-07-21T23:19:00.000-05:00

I used to know this guy named Marcus in Springfield (not to be confused with the Marcus I know here in Tulsa), and the other night I had a dream about him. I never thought he was the shiniest apple in the barrel, if you know what I mean, but I also never thought he was a complete idiot. Apparently my subconscious thinks differently.

So in this dream he's up on a hill shooting a bazooka at cars on the highway. Which isn't as action-packed as you might think, because he wasn't firing explosive shells - he was firing cans of Vienna Sausages. Apparently he was all distraught because he had just found out that Vienna Sausages didn't actually come from Vienna. Go figure. Gary and I and some other few of the old skool Springfield crew were there, so since we knew him the cops gave us a chance to go up the hill and try to talk him down before they went in with their tear gas grenades and their guns blazing and all that good stuff.

Well, we go up and talk to him, and he's a mess. We say some soothing things, he says some tearful things, we say some more soothing things, yadda yadda yadda. Finally we get him calmed down to the point where he's willing to come back down the hill with us, and he drops his sausage bazooka and says "I just don't know why the world can't make sense. I mean, next you guys are going to tell me that Spam doesn't come from Spanimals."

"Er... um..." we stammer, trying to think of how to defuse this potential mess, but it's too late. He sees the truth in our eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screams, fresh tears streaking down his soot-stained face. Then he runs off bawling at the top of his lungs - and that's when I woke up. It's a weird feeling to wake up laughing your ass off. ^_^

Oh God, You Devil

2005-07-20T20:31:00.000-05:00

The following is part of an actual conversation I had while at work today. Twas a conversation about religion, which I should know by now to avoid because I almost always end up pissing people off, but I guess at heart I'd rather piss somebody off than quietly put up with their nonsense - especially when it's not a customer we're talking about. Customers I can usually just ignore unless they're calling me a god-hating babykiller (which has happened before) or somesuch. But I digress.

Person X... see, I'm not totally out to aggravate the world, or else I'd name names. ^_^ Anyway. Take two.

Person X: You atheists are all alike, you refuse to believe in anything that you can't measure.
Me: Oh? How much does a thought weigh? What's the speed of ingenuity? How large is an emotion?
Person X: That's not what I meant. I should have said "anything that you can't prove."
Me: But that's also untrue. I believe there's intelligent life all over the universe, although nobody can prove it. I believe that Einstein was wrong and that the speed of light isn't an unbreakable barrier, and nobody's ever proved that. I don't think anyone's ever proved the existence of true love, either. For that matter, if you want to get really philosophical, we can talk about how it may be impossible for anyone to prove anything aside from their own existence, and that only to themselves...
Person X: Stop being so difficult. You know exactly what I'm saying and you're totally avoiding the subject.
Me: But I'm responding to exactly what you're saying! How is that avoiding the subject?
Person X: I just don't understand why you atheists have to have an explanation or a reason for everything. Why is it so wrong to accept things on faith?
Me: I accept all kinds of things on faith. I mean, it's not like every single piece of human knowledge exists inside of my head. If I didn't take a lot of things on faith, then I could only believe in the things that I've personally experienced. Besides, even if I did know everything that anyone has ever learned - well, for example, science still hasn't fully figured out just why or how gravity works the way it does, but I would still have faith that I'm not going to go randomly careening off into space. And as far as explanations and reasons go, what would you call statements like "God works in mysterious ways" and "because that's what the Bible says?"
Person X: Just forget it. I don't have time for this. *walks off in a huff*

People just slay me.

My latest food addiction

2005-07-18T19:59:00.000-05:00

Banana peppers. I just can't seem to get enough of them for some reason. I know how it started - the boss pays for lunch at the bookstore on Fridays, and I usually just run over to Subway because a) it's really close and b) it's healthier than pretty much anything else that is within convenient walking/driving distance. So I get banana peppers on my sub, and over the spring and summer it's gradually gone from "throw a few banana peppers on" to "pile it high with those babies". And then about a month ago I took the next step and started buying jars and keeping them in the fridge, and now a day hardly ever goes by where I don't have some on a sandwich or even just a handful as snackins. *shrug* I'm getting weird about food addicitons in my old age.

Vision Quest

2005-07-16T17:52:00.000-05:00

Without the fasting and hallucinating, that is.

You know what a vision quest is, right? I mean, they've been with humanity throughout all of recorded history in one form or another... :op At their essence, what they are is a way to empty yourself of all worldly concerns so that your husk can then be filled back up with spiritual wisdom or guidance and direction or what have you. And that's kind of how I feel. Empty. Not empty in the depressed way that you hear people speak of, where they feel that their lives have no meaning or joy, but empty in that I'm waiting for something new to come along and fill me up. I just have this deep sense that my life is about to undergo another major change/upheaval, although I have no clue whatsoever what form it might come in.

I wish it would hurry up, though. I'm sick of this feeling, and of the itch at the back of my brain that's telling me something is on its way.

ION, do not under any circumstances let yourself fall into the trap of reading Dayton Ward's "The Third World War." It's complete and utter crap. Fledgling sci-fi writers who want to craft themselves a nice little alien invasion novel would do well to remember one simple credo: "The thing about aliens is, they're alien." Their thought processes and ideals and ways of life - all alien. These aliens, however, seem like humans in Halloween costumes, always going on about their religion (Christianity rehashed) and politics (American to a fault) and methods of war (straight out of a U.S. Army training manual, I'd swear) and monogamous relationships with nuclear family units and so on and so forth. Dayton - if there's intelligent life elsewhere out there, they're not Americans, OK? It's a big universe. Show a little imagination if you really want to be a writer.

Apathetic?

2005-07-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

Disenchanted? Unmotivated? Indifferent? Spiritless? Just plain lazy?

Whatever I want to call it, it's obvious to anyone who reads this blog regularly (or semi-regularly, given my habits of late) that I've been a little off my game in the recent past. I'm not quite sure what it is, either. Part of it's probably the heat (and the fact that I've been spending too much time dealing with it at the bookstore lately - I don't envy the front counter people their jobs, but at least they get to hang out in the AC all day). Part of it, I'm sure, is the fact that the bank has been using me semi-regularly in the last month and so I'm kinda behind on sleep - but then, it's not like I'm ever caught up there, so that's probably not worth much as an excuse. Part of it is that I'm totally wrapped up in both GTA: San Andreas and the fiction of Tad Williams (Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn was amazing, so I decided to reread Otherland while I was at it) and there's just not enough hours in the day to do everything I'd like to do. Part of it is also the time I'm spending at the movie theaters this summer (I loved War of the Worlds, semi-liked Batman Begins, and thought Fantastic Four and Mr. & Mrs. Smith should have gone straight to video).

But all of that's not enough to explain it. I'm honestly just kinda "feh" lately. Not sure quite what it is, either - while there are parts of my life that could stand some improvement, it's not like I'm disappointed/depressed/upset about anything in particular. The one thing that I can say is really weighing on my mind is the fact that I need to quit smoking - the enjoyment is gone, and now it's pretty much just a disgusting, money-sucking habit. I've been planning to call the doctor, make an appointment, and get myself hooked up with a prescription for the pill. But I haven't gotten around to it. I need to do that. Overall, though, I dunno. Maybe I just need a big fat bowl of ice cream and about 24 hours of sleep.

In any case, I promise I'll try to do better. ^_^

Operators are standing by.

2005-06-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

You know what bugs me? "Everything, because you're a pessimistic cynic who has very little faith in humanity or the state of the world today?" Well, yeah. But you know what's bugging me right this minute? Those commercials on TV or the radio where somebody's trying to sell you something, and then they say "call within the next fifteen minutes and we'll throw in a Ronco Turnip Twaddler free of charge!" Dude. Do you have any idea how many TV and radio stations there are in this country? There's no way these fly-by-night outfits are keeping track of what commercial plays when where, let alone who lives within a reasonable viewing/listening area of said commercial. If I call and order, I'm getting the free Turnip Twaddler no matter when their damn commercial last aired here in Tulsa. I'm not stupid and I don't appreciate companies counting on my stupidity to make me feel like I did something special and got myself a super bargain by virtue of my quick decision-making skillz.

Ah, well. It's not like I was gonna order their crappy merchandise anyway.

12 pounds in 4 days

2005-06-24T12:03:00.000-05:00

Wanna lose weight fast? Come to Tulsa and I'll breathe on you. Of course, I'm not sure that camping out in the bathroom is the best diet plan...

Jason Gore

2005-06-19T14:15:00.000-05:00

OK. Any golf fan who's not rooting for this guy this afternoon has no freakin' idea what the whole point of the U.S. Open is in the first place. It's an open championship. Anyone can play in it. All it takes is some talent and some luck and the grittiness to work your way up through all the different levels of qualifying - and suddenly, Joe Schmoe from Podunk, Idaho can find himself standing on one of golf's largest stages. Take the kind of guy that Jason Gore is, toss in a roller coaster ride of a backstory, and how can you go wrong rooting for the underdog? You can't. Tin Cup indeed. ^_^

Pac-Man...

2005-06-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

...turns 25 sometime this month.

Ouch.

Well, at least some of the politicians have a clue

2005-06-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

Via the AP Wire:

U.S. Mayors Agree to Adhere to Kyoto Pact
Jun 13, 10:32 PM (ET) By DAN CATERINICCHIA
CHICAGO (AP) - The U.S. Conference of Mayors unanimously passed a resolution Monday requiring their cities to try to meet or surpass emissions standards set by the Kyoto Protocol, the international global-warming treaty ratified earlier this year without the United States.
(...)
President Bush opposes the 1997 Kyoto Protocol and the U.S. administration questions the certainty of scientists' views that "greenhouse gases" such as carbon dioxide are causing temperatures to rise. U.S. officials also argue the Kyoto requirements would increase energy prices and cost millions of U.S. jobs.

Kudos to this country's mayors for being smarter than its president - although saying that any given person is smarter than Shrub is a dubious compliment at best, ya know? The only problem with news like this is that it gets me thinking about our "leader" and then I get mad all over again wondering just how in the hell this retarded cowboy got elected to a second term in the first place. These two Excite polls from the last week don't really help my peace of mind either. Grr.

ION, I steamed some sliced carrots earlier tonight and then finished them in a saute pan over medium-high heat with some maple syrup and fresh sage. Yum.

Resist or Serve

2005-06-12T18:34:00.000-05:00

So I finally got around to picking up the X-Files game for the PS2, and I gotta say, it feels a lot like coming home. All the original actors lent their voices to the effort, including fun people like Krycek and The Lone Gunmen and CSM - and there's black oil and alien bounty hunters and plams and and and whee! The way it's set up, it's like there's three new eps that I'm just now getting to see. Lovin' it.

Also lovin' the Cubs-Red Sox series (and while I hate them both with a passion, I have to admit that Cardinals-Yankees is pretty fun too). I'm still not the biggest fan of intraleague play, because I think it does take a little something away from the World Series. But matchups like these allow me to overlook that for a little while and just enjoy watching some great franchises play some classic games.

It's trying to storm, but I bet it won't. We've been getting screwed on rainfall this spring - I think we're something like seven inches behind for the year, and nine inches behind since March 1, but don't quote me on that. So yeah. Tulsa's gonna freakin' burn down this summer if something doesn't happen soon, because once we get to mid-July or so our chances of getting serious rainfall drop to about zero. Global warming's such a drag.

Cashews are tasty and good.

Say what?

2005-06-04T16:37:00.000-05:00

So I'm watching the Memorial (we're gonna miss you, Jack), and David Feherty just asked Freddie Couples, "Is there anything going on in your trousers that we need to know about?" Dude.

(For you non-golf fans, Feherty was referring to the fact that Freddie's been trying out a new back brace. Apparently, it's a little bulkier than the ones he's used before, and with the brace on underneath, his pants are so tight that he can hardly bend over. But still.)

The Brawny Commercial

2005-06-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

Such a seriously weird ad. It's here. And while it's not quite as "funniest thing on earth" when you're sober and viewing it for the second time, it's still great.

Episode III and other things

2005-06-01T21:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not really going to say much about Revenge of the Sith, because 1) I'm sure that a bajillion blogs have already been dedicated to it, and 2) I don't really have that much to say about it. I liked it. I liked finally knowing the whole story behind Darth Vader, and overall I was pretty happy with that story. There were a lot of little touches here and there that I appreciated. There were also some things that I thought missed the mark. It's definitely my favorite of the new trilogy - but probably only third overall, behind A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back.

But but but... well, I don't know if the commercials that run before the movie are the same everywhere, but if they are, I'd say that RotS is worth seeing for the Brawny commercial alone. OMG. I think the last time that I laughed that hard was the "naked painter and a chest of pantyhose" afternoon. And I know, you have no idea what the hell that means, but there are very few people alive who do and it takes way too long to explain and it's not nearly as funny if you weren't there anyway. Suffice it to say that it was some seriously funny shit.

Anyway! Brawny commercial. Wow. If I could find it on the internet, I'd provide a linkie, but I haven't been able to yet. So I can't. Sorry.

June is National Fight the Filthy Fly Month. I'm not making this up. I'm also not quite sure just what it means, but there you have it. Google it if you don't believe me, know-it-alls. :op And speaking of flies, this seems like a seriously weird way to spend an afternoon.

That's all I've got. I'm sleepy and I need food, and it's time to take care of one of those issues.