Richard Cheese is cooler than you

Yes, boys and girls, it's time again to find out "who's cooler than you?" And the winner this time is Richard Cheese. Now, some of you may not have ever heard of ol' Dick (your loss) and are thus wondering why I'm making this call. Well, I'll tell you.

• He plays Vegas-lounge-style versions of songs such as Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain," Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up," Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher," and the Dead Kennedys' "Holiday in Cambodia."
• He heads a band called "Lounge Against the Machine."
• He and the band sell t-shirts, panties, boxers, and more, festooned with such catchy slogans as "Behold the Power of Dick" and "I Y Dick."
• He has a song (Disturbed's "Down With the Sickness") on the Dawn of the Dead soundtrack, and that's one kick-ass zombie movie. If you haven't seen it yet, what are you waiting for?
• He lives and works in Vegas, which I'm sure is a lot more interesting than the lives most of us lead.

Still not buying it? Go to his website, download a clip or three, check 'em out, and then come back and tell me I'm wrong. I dare you. Go ahead, I'll wait...

Back already? See, I told you. More fun than three midgets in a tub of pudding. I rest my case.